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My LTR started having depression issues the last several months. I tried to get him to seek help, but he blew off my concerns. I saw that he was drinking about a fifth of vodka a week, on top of a sleeping pill at night. He has sleep apnea; that is how this self medication of vodka came to my attention. It's a very risky combination. I asked him to stop, then I pleaded with him to stop. I found free clinics for him to go to, but he would not follow up. He was emotionally volatile, his sleep was horrible, he was always exhausted and on top of everything, he lied to me about his drinking. He finally admitted that he was drinking a fifth or more of vodka a week for about a year, and lied to me about it because he was afraid he would lose me. I remember how confused I was, because when I would talk to him on the phone at night, he was be somewhat slurry and more importantly emotionally up and down. He would post stupid things full of self pity or rudeness, always after 11. But again, denial, so I was intensely confused. Fast forward, I finally broke it off with him two months ago. He has spent the entire time trying to "win" me back, which I really dislike. I asked him not to try to "win" me back, but to take care of himself. Finally he began to admit this problems and started talking to friends besides just me, which is a big load off of my shoulders. Now, he has stopped drinking for about 3 weeks, he is on an anti-depressant for about 10 days. Today he is going to a therapist. Now, he says to me, "I am doing all the right things, let's get back together". I say it's too -; I have lost trust. He gets angry at me when i say i have lost trust and says that if we don't get back together, he lose the spark and for me. I guess I feel that ever since I broke if off with he has been guilting me. I wish I could trust, but damn, it took such a dramatic move on my part to get his attention, I am kind of burned out. So, here is my dilemma. I loved and still this, and wonder if depression caused such a change or not. I want us to work, but I just have to give it time. We are totally platonic right now, because I don't want to give mixed messages and also don't want to mess with my emotions. We have been together 4 years, but 2 of those years was a distance relationship. Any advise would be appreciated. porcupine having sexYou come up with any defense you can to justify your cowardice in this matter, but it remains a fact. Getting shot at does not make you brave. It makes you a target. Having someone die in your arms does not make you brave. It makes you a witness. Being a recovering addict does not make you brave. It makes you someone who numbed his. ACTIONS are what make you brave. Call me what you want, your INACTION makes you a coward who is afraid to be honest with the person to whom you promised total commitment, and seek every possible excuse to justify more deception and lies at her expense. Nice going. When the simple fact sinks in that your lies serve no one's interest but your own cowardice, then I stop saying you are a coward. romance
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