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Mother and God Mother died and went to heaven. God greeted her at the Gates. "Be thou hungry, Mother?" asked God. "I could eat," Mother replied. So God opened a can of tuna and reached for a chunk of rye bread and they began to share it. While eating this humble meal, Mother looked down into Hell and saw the inhabitants devouring huge steaks, lobsters, pheasants, and pastries. Curious, but deeply trusting, she remained quiet. The next day God again invited her to join him for a meal. Again, it was tuna and rye bread. Once again, Mother could the denizens of Hell enjoying lamb, turkey, venison, and delicious desserts. Still she said nothing. The following day, mealtime arrived and another can of tuna was opened. She couldn't contain herself any longer. Meekly, she asked, "God, I am grateful to be in heaven with you as a reward for the pious, obedient life I led. But here in heaven all I get to eat is tuna and a piece of rye bread and in the Other Place they eat like emperors and kings! I just don't understand it " God sighed. "Let's be honest," He said, " for just two people, it doesn't pay to cook." penny allen Elkhart sex chat1. Arrive late. Whether you're meeting her at a restaurant or picking her up at her place, nothing says, "I don't care," like not showing up on time. 2. Dress like you were 10 minutes late for a college exam. Throw that smelly old Nirvana T-shirt on. don't shower or shave, and better yet, stay up until 5:00. the day of to ensure red, puffy eyes and the cranky demeanor of a petulant. your wallet at home and be forever labeled cheap. At the culmination of the meal, if it gets that far, reach into your pants pocket and come up empty which is fitting, because your house is going to empty be when you get there alone. 4. Treat the wait staff like you just peeled them from the bottom of your shoe. This is a great example of how you treat her later in the relationship. don't forget, tips are for suckers, so don't leave one. or text message your friends-or better yet, your ex-girlfriend during the date. don't bother leaving the table. Let her know just how unimportant she is even before she gets to know you. 6. Talk like an ignoramus. Let racist, sexist or bathroom jokes fly as though they were going out of style, and be sure that people at other tables can hear them too. 7. Build Devil's Tower out of mashed potatoes, but don't order mashed potatoes. Make sure that you use someone -'s side dish to do this. After you are done, exclaim, with great relish, "Ah, it was nothing." Just some helpful advise wants sex
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