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Sorry if the headline sounded harsh, but we have a tendency to frame things in a certain light in order to rationalize an action we wish to take. To tell you why he is doing it would be presumptuous on my part. There are so reasons that would explain this: 1) Do you argue earlier in the day and he had not gotten over it? (my ex- would me everything but a human being and then expect me to hop in the sack with her) 2) Does he work too hours? 3) Do you deny him when he is in the mood? (The only time we did was when SHE felt like it) 4a) Is it a satisfying experience for him? 4b) Do you both get something out of it when you do? (My ex- was the slam, bam, jump up and run kind of girl. The "moment" hadn't even finished when she was telling me what to do the rest of the day. I think she felt that now that I got a little, she can run my life the rest of the week) 5) Has he been in for a physical recently? 6) Sometimes, even if the "mood" is gone (he takes too of a shower) capture the moment anyways when he comes to bed. It is rare (except on a honeymoon when everyone is always in the mood) that both partners are exactly in sync and "in the mood". I was always expected to be willing when she wanted, she never was when I was in the "mood". After a few years, my "moods" diminished and it was less important to me. It evolved into a power play by her and I did not wish to play. I focused my energy on work and the (skiing, fishing, snowmobiling, fairs, etc) instead of playing her game. Before you decide to "take our 2 boys and leave" think and hard about the impact this have on their lives. Divorce is not a good thing for no matter how justified we think we are in our own minds about it. They do not care whether you or your husband are getting laid. They care about the effects of the divorce have on them: when they are with you, they their father. When they are with your ex-husband, they you. Lastly, when they find out why you filed for divorce (he was masturbating to porn) I seriously doubt anyone agree it is a basis for tearing a family apart. Joint counseling help. For what it is worth .. A~ sbm looking for swf to go bowling
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