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After awhile, relationships are addictive. That can be a good thing when they're good and a terrible thing when they're abusive. I was in an abusive relationship/marriage that lasted 7 years. I should have left after 6 months, and I didn't. I regret that wasted time because it was very damaging to my self-esteem, though I am happy to say that my life has improved dramatiy in recent years with therapy and a heck of a lot of work on me. I worry that by sleeping with him occasionally and staying in a place where he can get a hold of you, you are never really allowing yourself to cauterize this oozing wound. I don't think you can start to move forward until he is out of the picture completely and for good. Why not change your number, change your, etc? I think that things start to feel better when you can admit that what you had was NOT good, because a good relationship is predictable most of the time. Sure, occasionally someone goes to the hospital or loses their job and freaks out a little, but it is NOT "good lover/friend one minute, sucking your bank account dry for the next." That's a user and a parasite. Those behaviors where he is a good lover/friend are what he NEEDS to do in order to keep you around to feed his addiction. Even if this have redeemable qualities, I don't think he sounds capable of being a good partner. This wish that he would die is you knowing you have to get out of this mess, but wanting someone (. fate, God, a dump truck) to do it for you. Unfortunately, YOU are the one who has to disentangle yourself from this mentally, because sadly, I suspect that even if he DID die, you would still be messed up in the head over him. Have you tried therapy? Have you tried books at the library over abusive relationships? There's a good one ed "But he never hit me." I know yours hit you (and mine hit me), but it does a good job of going into the damage that emotional can do to the victim's psyche. looking for us both to get offlately I've been an ice-crunching walking wet on. :P Seriously haven't had satisfactory sex in almost 3 weeks. *mumbles* and not cause he isn't getting hard.. just other stupid stuffs. and my *special* friend has been super busy. *sighs* I haven't even gotten a RL congrats fuck yet (nothing says I you like "I'm not going to cum and I'm tired"..I'm getting tired of taking that as a challenge btw). *pouts* I've been hitting on people I know! Bad, bad bad. I very nearly convinced a guy I know to jump my bones in a library study room yesterday. *laughs* poor dear didn't know quite what to do with himself. I've known him for over a year and I think he's really sweet and totally smokin'. Anyway, I gave him a morality lecture about cheating a few weeks ago ('if you wouldn't want your SO to do the same, it's probably cheating' sort of convo) I thought he was in a on/off again open relationship. It's not open and as as he said he really wanted to "body slam" me right there (if only to what it would be like with me) but couldn't . I backed the hell off. (I was talking with him about my sen sem. project and it turned reeeaally sexual and personal). I *might* have grazed my left breast against his arm while he was working the mouse and met his gaze .that was the *sign*. I told him that I was attracted to him (he is attracted to me and was quite sweet about it) and that if anything changes for him over the.. he has my addy. Then I leaned across the table and asked if we're "still cool" and he said we were. I left it at that. On the way home I realized that I would have been disappointed a little if he had jumped my bones. I mean really, I don't really like jerks and he proved that he is a nice/honorable guy. :) I don't feel badly at all and I completely went back into normal bust-your-balls minx mode for our project. No weirdness. :) But being with him in that room working so hard on a project . made me totally wet. I'm horny and deprived damn it! free dating website
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