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Thanks for the proofreading at no cost to me, haha. I should've stated: Growing up causes of us to internalize the pain and criticism targeted our way by those who have no real stake in our lives. That internalized suppression of embarassment or outrage or sadness hardens when those close to us respond warily to our inherent sexuality or perceived identity defect; a tumor is born after the constant, unwarranted critique becomes too much, most times requiring psycho-therapy to halt its growth and shrink its impact on our individual lives. But when we let that emotional malignancy go without recognition of its negative effects on life, it taints the way we ourselves, obviously, but unfortunately it warps our perceptions of those around us. It's like a world where you always believed (and were taught) that pixie dust is the magical ingredient in gasoline that runs our cars. Your reality is skewed and skewered and leads to paranoia towards most things once the wool has been from your eyes about the ridiculous lie given to you about real life from people in all circles. The last paragraph of my initial rant was poorly constructed. But now given a second shot at it, I sense more how difficult it is for people tormented by inferiority complexes set in effect over years of unhealthy feedback about yourself to cope. You aren't the right gender or are damned with the wrong sexual tendency or display too much or too little skin pigment drumming up criticism about your core identity inextricably tied to your personality and the lens through which you view life. I guess if we stop hating ourselves, singularly, we have a better to treat others in this world acting as innocent bystanders to our lives with respect and kindness and some civility. Hate yourself, bottle the hurt, refuse to examine the emotional handicaps within and you'll be the next person to prompt someone like me to rant, digress, and rant some more about the subtle things humans do to tear down others. Addendum: Christ, thank you for braving that stream of hypothetical thought. I think I needed to clear a blockage or something. do women even go on hereYou know you listed a full plate of exhausting things and describe a life that's not exactly an environment for getting a groove on and you wonder where it all went. Health is a big deal, I've always had a good sized drive but I've got a back thing that is driving me nuts I'm at about 30% of my physical norm. Actual pain has a bit of a dampening effect you might say. So I'd look at a few things, not this magic bullet pill you're searching for. 1. Your husband is starting to wonder? Oh girl, don't do that, don't let him wonder. He's the ONE person in this world to talk to about this, the first person you should be able to go to. You him right? He's a good by your own words what a bonus. I'm going to let you in on a secret, guys like sex but they really do feel and it counts a LOT. Honest communication and a request for support while you put forth an honest effort um, yeah, I'll bet he'll want to step up for you note the key "honest effort". This is not some diet you promise to go on and then do nothing because it's too hard you have to commit too. 2. Your health come on, take care of YOU. This relate right back to item 1, you need support in caring for the and house to do so, work WITH him. You need help, that's what this partnership is all about. Same thing also applies honest effort, no halfway bullshit. 3. Special needs big load life has given you. Figure out how to get a break, some down time, meditation or gardening, time for you every day. 4. Growing very old with him how about a new goal, sharing LIFE with him. That means this is shared with him as well as the joyous moments, let him know what you're feeling and sit down and allow yourselves to dream. What can we do for us something you can connect in. Then DO IT no waiting, now, you guys are the priority and the rest flow from it. 5. Set about doing it today is a great day to start. I bet if you do some or all of that and you'll start feeling better physiy and about who you are that's some MOJO. Sexy is an extension of babe.. beautiful girl
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