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There comes a day in every parent’s life when the towheaded moppet turns his saucer-sized eyes upwards and asks, “Daddy, where does beer come from?” If you’re like most of us you’ll punt and say “Milwaukee.” Better-prepared parents explain how a delicate balancing act allows living yeast to metabolize the sugar in barley malt and boiled hops flowers into carbon dioxide and alcohol. The more insatiable moppets want to know why, exactly, yeast makes alcohol in the first place when it’s much more energetiy efficient to metabolize sugar directly to carbon dioxide, and now you’re stuck. Do you admit that parents don’t in fact have the pope’s infallibility and twice his judgment? Make something up on the spot? Livorno girls fucking
at the dog park, a squirrel tossed a Gillette beard-trimmer out of a tree, narrowly missing my head. Seriously, I felt it whoz by my ear before it crashed to the ground. I must have stood there like a dope for 10 minutes or more, looking down at the silver shaver resting at my feet, then up at the chattering (and clearly insane) squirrel, then at the shaver . It stands as the ultimate surreal experience in a life full of surreal experiences. Including the time a clown, sporting full clown regalia, put on a very enthusiastic puppet show (with a chimp puppet on one hand, and a skull puppet on the other) to the tune of "Countin' Flowers On The Wall" blaring from his car stereo while stopped in his car at a stop-light- and staring right at me the whole time. (And no, were not involved, at least not on my part.) The car was covered in faux stone and made to look like a monument on wheels. think it even had a working fountain on it. I do not make this stuff up. Grainau fuck buddiesThe day I threw away fashion When she hit 60 Lurie realised that fashion no longer spoke to her. So she got rid of half her wardrobe, stopped colouring her hair, gave up wearing makeup and felt euphoric * Lurie * The Guardian, Wednesday 15 after I reached 60 I was abandoned by Vogue magazine and all its clones. Like former lovers who drop you slowly and politely because they once cared for you, they gradually stopped speaking to me. Without intending it I had permanently alienated them, simply by becoming old. From their point of view, I was now a hopeless case. They were not going to show me any more pictures of clothes I might look good in, or give me useful advice about makeup or hair. At first my feelings were hurt. Hadn't I loved fashion and been faithful to her all these years? Just as one avoids the songs that re a lost lover, I stopped reading her magazines, even in a doctor's office. As a result, I felt first panic and then a rush of euphoria. I was abandoned and alone, yes, but I was also free: after more than 60 years, nobody was telling me what to wear. Since fashion no longer pursued and flattered and scolded me, I realised that I did not have to pursue her. I could go through my closet and get rid of all the stylish clothes I really didn't like: the fitted jackets, the cropped pants that left six inches of pale stubbled leg hanging out, the silk dress-for-success blouses with floppy bows and padded shoulders. I also gave away everything too obviously "sexy" that is, shiny and low-cut and tight and uncomfortable. I hadn't worn these outfits for years, essentially because I didn't want to look as if I were hopelessly trying to inflame passion in members of the opposite sex. What was even better was that I could revive clothes I had loved in the past and hadn't been able to bear to throw away, though they had become completely out of date. The patchwork hippie skirts and vests, the filmy scarves and big soft shawls, the loose cowl-neck sweaters, the floppy straw hats, some with feathers or artificial flowers. Some of these things were so far out of date that they looked new, and if they didn't, I didn't care. dating asians
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