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want to feel appreciated and desired look at how other people might this naes thinks you are a doormat, whirly-girl thinks you are vile. I've been in open relationships before I have decided that that was not satisfying enough, and I don't think you are a doormat or vile, you are a free spirit that wants her own freedom and grants the same thing to others. I don't mean to say that you want to be in an open relationship, I mean to say that you don't judge people harshly and expect the same in return. It's an admirable quality, but requires you to be in a relationship with somebody like-minded. Your husband is like naes or whirly-girl, he can't respect your being so lenient with him, and he won't leniency to you because he wants to be respected. This won't change, he is not the right guy for you, he does not your doing everything he wants as an expression of a compassionate free , as you probably mean it, he sees it either as weakness or as manipulating guilty conscience, both of which invoke his anger. He does not get it and never. Leave before you make a complete fool of yourself by catering more and more to the needs of a who does not care fro you or respect you, and before he decides that he is justified in being as abusive as he pleases with you, because you are either a stupid doormat or a "manipulating slut" in his eyes. You don't need this.
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