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The thing about D/s is (and I think DG touched on this) is that you can be creative in the way you manifest your own special brand of power exchange. It's YOUR D/s relationship, so you and your husband dictate what you guys do. It's of no consequence to you guys how it's viewed by others, or if it's "real" or "true" or any other bullshit little concepts people around you throw out. (And you meet those people: the "true" Dominant/sub types, who think D/s is only one way-usually theirs. Those people are to be avoided, because they attempt to sabotage and make you feel inferior for their own ego's nourishment.) Start small. Talk about any and everything as it comes along. Talk about how you'd like to act in public. Example: Would he want you to walk a stride or two behind him? Would he want you to sit on one side of him specifiy? Would he want to do all the talking in certain social situations? Would you wear any tokens of ownership like a collar or a bracelet? Would you tell other people? Talk about what you'd do at home. Example: Would certain chores be yours alone? And would he inspect the work? If so, to what level does he want? Would you refer to him by a title or continue to use his name? Would there be decisions you can make without his input, or does he want to know exactly what's going on anytime he asks? Would there be certain things he would want done daily? (Example: Upon arrival home from work, would he want dinner out or at least in progress ? Would he want something to drink? His leisure clothes laid out in advance? Take your daily routine and start imagining how you can shape and retool it to include D/s. I think you'll be quite pleased with the process, let alone the results. naughty ladies in Zhidikai*always* going to impact current relationships. Once the survivor's integrated her experiences into her past/life, she choose to move on. That's what therapy's for helping you recover, integrate and become a whole, functional person. Some survivors reach a point of wanting to leave past things behind. It's a coping technique they/we have a right to to say you are finally done with it, and that it have no more power over you. Everyone's a lil' bit kinky, or has things they enjoy or hate. All I expect my partner to tell me is "don't lick my ear, I don't really like that." And I won't do it again. It's not relevant *why* she doesn't like her ear (or whatever) being licked. I'll lick something -! If doing something wrong is going to trigger a crying jag in bed, and this is going to be an ongoing issue in the relationship, that's when disclosure is good if the survivor really wants to give the relationship a shot. Otherwise, not a whole lot of people are going to stay with someone who is unstable and unpredictable. BUT, I don't think she's obligated to disclose anything at all. After all, the other partner has a choice too. She can decide if she wants to stay with someone who obviously has issues and isn't communicating about it. single moms
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