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The narcissist's guarded detachment is a sad reaction to his unfortunate formative years. Pathological narcissism is thought to be the result of a prolonged period of severe by primary caregivers, peers, or authority figures. In this sense, pathological narcissism is, therefore, a reaction to trauma. Narcissism is a form of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder that got ossified and fixated and mutated into a personality disorder. All narcissists are traumatized and all of them suffer from a variety of post-traumatic symptoms: abandonment anxiety, reckless behaviors, anxiety and mood disorders, somatoform disorders, and so on. But the presenting signs of narcissism rarely indicate post-trauma. This is because pathological narcissism is an efficient coping (defense) mechanism. The narcissist presents to the world a facade of invincibility, equanimity, superiority, skilfulness, cool-headedness, invulnerability, and, in short: indifference. This front is penetrated only in times of great crises that threaten the narcissist's ability to obtain narcissistic supply. The narcissist then "falls apart" in a process of disintegration known as decompensation. The dynamic forces which render him paralyzed and fake his vulnerabilities, weaknesses, and fears are starkly exposed as his defenses crumble and become dysfunctional. The narcissist's extreme dependence on his social milieu for the regulation of his sense of self-worth are painfully and pitifully evident as he is reduced to begging and cajoling. At such times, the narcissist acts out self-destructively and anti-socially. His mask of superior equanimity is pierced by displays of impotent rage, self-loathing, self-pity, and crass attempts at manipulation of his friends, family, and colleagues. His ostensible benevolence and caring evaporate. He feels caged and threatened and he reacts as any animal would do by striking back at his perceived tormentors, at his hitherto "nearest" and "dearest". someone to e mail chat back and forth with for entertainmentNot sure how I would handle this if I was in your shoes. If my wife had an affair, even a one time thing, that would no doubt change things between us, probably forever. I could probably forgive what she did, but could not forget it. It would always be there in some form. Would that make me want to divorce her? If she was good for the and us being together would be better for them than us being apart, probably not. There is nothing that I would not do or endure for my. And as as she was a good mom and did not repeat the affair or otherwise cause them harm I think I'd stick it out. But I think I get what you say about your self image and unreturned. That must really suck. Good luck ..and by the way, his telling you about the affair, especially if it was truly a one night thing, was incredbily selfish on his part. That was going to cause you nothing but hurt and he knew that, but he did it anyway to try to relieve his own guilt. Really kind of crappy. singles adult
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