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30 guy looking for a friend push past your inner voice to try and really hear my voice w4w I don't really know what happened. I know we both have trust issues, but I stated that I was okay with that, working past it..that your life is truly your life to live however you want to.. But that I also wanted all of your free time that you could spare, just wanted to be near you even though I never felt like you'd let me as close to you as I really wanted..it did seem like you really enjoyed my company too though. But, then, you convinced me that I was IT before our few awkward, un-fruitful encounters. I was paralyzed because you made me feel rejected a few times before and I wasn't sure I could handle another..and I told you that, told you I'd need encouragement because I was afraid you didn't want me regardless of what you said via text..but, you gave me nothing to work with and then got mad at me for not just forcing myself on you! Or, that's how it seemed. And you say actions matter more than words, so you probably thought I wasn't madly, ridiculously, SICK in love with you even though that is what I said and continued to say but you just closed yourself off to me. I have to have comfort and secure feelings in just the words before I let myself be completely free with someone physiy. (and I was right on the precipice of that comfort with you I felt like we were about to make ALL of our fantasies come true but it seems you were already thinking about how to get rid of me.) And you seemed to be someone that would truly appreciate that about me. I've only been that close to ONE person..and I was very much looking forward to you making me completely forget that since you also made me forget about the women of my past that I thought were so incredible..they didn't come close to comparing to you. You pushed me away..then you pushed really hard. :( I'm so grateful we have mutual friends because I was sure I would not be able to handle seeing you again after all of that but then we were forced to be a black girl who looking for man to fuck them
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