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The narcissist's guarded detachment is a sad reaction to his unfortunate formative years. Pathological narcissism is thought to be the result of a prolonged period of severe by primary caregivers, peers, or authority figures. In this sense, pathological narcissism is, therefore, a reaction to trauma. Narcissism is a form of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder that got ossified and fixated and mutated into a personality disorder. All narcissists are traumatized and all of them suffer from a variety of post-traumatic symptoms: abandonment anxiety, reckless behaviors, anxiety and mood disorders, somatoform disorders, and so on. But the presenting signs of narcissism rarely indicate post-trauma. This is because pathological narcissism is an efficient coping (defense) mechanism. The narcissist presents to the world a facade of invincibility, equanimity, superiority, skilfulness, cool-headedness, invulnerability, and, in short: indifference. This front is penetrated only in times of great crises that threaten the narcissist's ability to obtain narcissistic supply. The narcissist then "falls apart" in a process of disintegration known as decompensation. The dynamic forces which render him paralyzed and fake his vulnerabilities, weaknesses, and fears are starkly exposed as his defenses crumble and become dysfunctional. The narcissist's extreme dependence on his social milieu for the regulation of his sense of self-worth are painfully and pitifully evident as he is reduced to begging and cajoling. At such times, the narcissist acts out self-destructively and anti-socially. His mask of superior equanimity is pierced by displays of impotent rage, self-loathing, self-pity, and crass attempts at manipulation of his friends, family, and colleagues. His ostensible benevolence and caring evaporate. He feels caged and threatened and he reacts as any animal would do by striking back at his perceived tormentors, at his hitherto "nearest" and "dearest". Emporia singles 54576
Marriage is no longer viewed as a commitment for life. It is viewed more as a lifestyle. And when it doesn't live up to those expectations, the marriage is ended. But, it continues in the form of support, to ensure that previously, unsustainable lifestyle. help put my hotel suite to good useHow much do you value your sexual gratification/exploration? How much do you value your wife? How much do you value honesty? Depending on your answers, you choose to: 1. Deny/repress your urges. 2. Cheat on your wife. 3. Tell your wife about your urges and if you can negotiate terms under which you can expore them. 4. Divorce your wife without telling her the real reason why. If I were you, I'd choose #3. It sounds like your marriage is at risk either way you slice it. You can risk your marriage by cheating and possibly/probably getting caught. You can risk it by repressing your urges leading them to manifest in unrelated and messy ways, perhaps becoming depressed, perhaps becoming angry with your wife for "holding you back". Talking to your wife about your urges is also a risk. She might flip-out. But it's a risk that shows her respect. It's a risk that allows you to be honest. It's a risk that just might have a good outcome. I have a friend who was in a similar dillema. He chose option #2 cheating on his wife. She caught him. Fortunately, it didn't destroy their marriage and they now have form of open relationship, she's even taken the opportunity from the incident to tell him that she is bi too. BUT, he's never lived-down his breach of trust. She exercises a kind of control over him based on his guilt for having cheated. In practice, their open relationship is not quite equal. She goes and fools around with girls freely, but his ability to fool around with guys seems signicantly less free. She kind of freaks out about it. I'm sure their relationship would be far more comfortable had he chosen to talk with her about it instead of cheating. online dating
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