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I usually extend my hand and say, "My name is -" and allow them to give me theirs, if the environment is right I put my cheek on theirs and say "it is a pleasure to meet you" and backing away while staring into their eyes with a smile. "Would you like something to drink" or "Are you from New Orleans" usually follows. Their response dictates the conversation from there. I try to get them to talking about the trip, their neighborhood or themselves. People like to talk when given the opportunity. If they are the quiet type a silly joke usually can break the ice from there if there is a group I always make sure that I have gotten to meet and get the "story" of everyone - Cork sex types"The fact he is coming out is not bad.. it was just upsetting that his wife was totally unaware of it." Not to trivialize the situation, but that line strongly suggests that her reaction is mainly a response to a surprise. Even the nastiest surprise stops being surprising after a while; or to put in in other words, if she gives herself time, she'll get over her upset. For closeted men, it takes a lot of backbone to come out, so the husband's inability to confront the simple truth that he's queer, a dirty fag, a nasty fudgepacker, and he's going to break out in a pink feather boa any minute that inability is entirely understandable. Of course, as out men we know that none of those pejorative remarks are valid (except possibly the pink feather boa part), but it takes time to realize that being queer isn't the same as being some kind of subhuman. From where I sit, the most serious aspect of the situation looks to be the husband's drinking problem. If he asked me for my advice, I'll tell him to smell the coffee, admit he's queer (in some sense or other, whatever floats his boat), stop the drinking and dramatizing, realize he's acting out all the lies he's been told about gays, straighten up his back, and confront the future with a smile on his lips. "Acting out all the lies he's been told about gays." IOW, he's giving power to the people who promulgate those lies; is that what he wants, to let those cocksuckers control the way he leads his life? A better reaction is cold rage at being lied to. granny swinger
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