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I am almost 18 months from being finalized. years left of maintenance payments. I could not be happier leaving the lifeless, loveless marriage behind. I was married 18 years with great. While I am not advocating divorce for anyone, it worked for me. Life has balanced out for me. I have a decent enough apartment close to a downtown area. Financially recovering and close to on my k this year. Date often. Recent event confirming my divorce as the right thing: My ex is a drama, conflict starter, must apologize for things that you are not sure what you did kind of person. Last night at the HS awards I made a comment that my oldest is going to europe for the, and my youngest should move into the big room in the house I would do it this weekend, etc. She makes a comment that she didnt know my oldest was going to europe this (its a school program for about a month). I made the dig "maybe you should talk to your daughter more". she huffs away stating that we are not married anymore and she does not have to take it from me. I spent the awards night with my two, one being awarded in the school cafe. meanwhile letting my oldest know that we are switching rooms, since wont be home for a year plus via text. no issues, she responds fine. RECENT DRAMA -so today my oldest s (from college) me in tears. My ex ends around and rails her because she didnt know about europe. My daughter starts in on me about it. I stop her and explained to her that this nonsense drama is why I left your mother, and why our marriage died. It drove away friends, family, and has gotten her fired before. Take a deep breath, and understand how not to treat people. She stops crying, and tells me that she told her mother before, but she didnt listen. I am going over the house to move the rooms. Still come back to DIFO to the rants. Duncan girl sextam really trying to give you an honest assessment. i can not do it with the material you have given, so i rely solely on your behavior and the words you choose. it is rather disturbing that you do not address anyone directly. to me it indicates a (mild?) passive nature in the way you handle what you perceive as problems. this only compounds matters and it is disturbing also to learn of the behavior of your spouse. it is as if she has given up on your marriage as well and is only going through the motions. don't be surprised to find out later that she has also toyed with the idea of possibly leaving. ooooohhhhh made either a freudian slip or is toying with the words "balls" in your court instead of the commonly used term of "ball". you need to (i dislike the term but) up! wine and dine her, put her first. doing the chores is great but you are doing it for the wrong reasons and that is a very important distinction even though the end result be the same. the distinction shows the mental attitude you are in. compound this attitude with this passive nature of yours, i am sure the expression of the outcome is very subtle; possibly in this lackluster attitude of yours. throw in this empty nest period that is imminent which only compounds matters and makes things even more murky. you two must reconnect with each other as you once did before the advent of the. that is going to be hard with your inability to actively be a participant rather than a passive entity in this marriage EMOTIONALLY. i gave you my honest assessment. now it is up to you to breath some life into this marriage. it is going to be tough, because she is conditioned in her behavior and it take and imagination on your part to romance her and help both of you out of this rut. seeking counseling, as an aid to communication if need be but not as a reliance to solve your problems that is up to you and your spouse. oh yeah try to read the underlining points, don't focus so much on the "why" for now. that is for another time when you have time for reflection. focus all your attention on the "how" for now and check for feedback. note the good, bad, and neutral responses and do more of the good and discontinue the actions that brought on a bad result. married wife
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