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They're a community org local to you providing services and support for queer women in abusive relationships: The Network/La Red: -*** I don't think it's at all extreme to request a transfer from your manager. In fact, if your workplace has more than one location, transferring to an entirely new job site would be even better. It would probably be inconvenient, but it sounds like you're having a lot of trouble with keeping her away from you, which between that and being closeted makes me think going the human resources route wouldn't work for you. That said, if you can't transfer or find another job, the place above could also help you with locale-specific advice as far as what you could do to stay safe in your workplace. I'd especially ask about how to talk to management/HR, and look into support and counseling for learning to stand up for yourself while respecting your need for self-protection. Sometimes those two needs seem opposed to each other, but it's definitely possible to have both. It take awhile to learn how, and you'll likely stumble a lot to get there, but peace and sanctuary within and out lie at the end. As for how to do all that, at heart I think it starts with you deciding you're worth it, and certainly worth living this one life with. Then you'll have a place to start when it comes time to tell your abuser to go away and stay away for good, while taking whatever action you need to completely disengage yourself from them. If studs are your core attraction, there are plenty around who would treat you with and respect. Lying, cheating, and bullying for sex aren't acceptable no matter how anyone identifies. I you'll be able to find what you need to get out of this relationship. Partner in butch/femme relationships does exist, just as it does in any other kind of relationship; just with b/f, some of it tracks along fairly traditional gender lines. Your local support should be of help without trying to pathologize who you are and what you like, and the same should go for the important people in your life. want to explore some exhibitionismI find that you can prod things along a little by just asking questions on status. 1) If you are going to court, lawyers tend to wait until they have completed all their preparation work (which takes, say, a month or two) before they go in for a court date. Often the family courts are very busy and you find your court date is 3 months away. I find, by asking the lawyer how far away court dates are being set these days, that you can talk him into getting the court date first and in the interim doing the preparatory work. 2) No matter what task the lawyer is doing, discovery, paperwork, getting a court date, whatever, aways ask "How does that take? What is your worst case date?" I learned this as a project manager you do NOT impose a date on them, you ask them on their own terms how it take. And you don't even pressure them by asking what is the best case date you purposely ask them worst case. Sometimes I even say "What is a ridiculuous worst case date?" This forces them to think about how things take and come up with a reasonable time. Then, when that time elapses, you to find out the status. It not be done, but his own date is now hanging over his head, and that tends to hasten things a bit more than no schedule at all. You do not complain, you do not tell them to hurry, you just ask questions. I was once accused (by a inexperinced lawyer) of micro-managing her, but I pointed out that I wasn't telling her to do anyting, I was just asking questions of status. german dating sites
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