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First off, she very rarely initiates. I used to take this as a rejection. This resulted in frustration for both of us me because I felt unwanted and her because she wanted it but didn't know how to ask. It took me awhile to figure out that this does not in any way mean that she doesn't want it; she'd just rather I initiate it. She's ladylike and traditional in ways, and it doesn't bother me at all anymore. For us it starts earlier in the day. If we're having a good day, there is a lot of flirting that goes on. I'll grab onto her at an inappropriate time, like when the are nearby, and look at her in that way. She'll smile and go "Okay, okay! Wait til later!" We'll be sitting in the living room or working in the yard and I'll look over and say "I got business with you later on, little." And she'll smile. I'll send a text from work and say "I want to kiss your naughty bits" and she'll text back "Oh my!!!" If she wants sex, she'll always ask me if I wanna sit on the porch and have a few beers. It's almost like code, but I don't know if she knows it or not. For us it's all about building up the anticipation over the course of an afternoon. When we do lay down, if she's still up for it, she comes to bed wearing little or nothing. I can start by caressing her naked hip, or kissing her ear softly, or running my hands through her hair, or petting the inside of her thigh or the backs of her knees and it goes from there. If she's got the sweats on, aka the "Iz-isn't getting laid tonight" pants, then I don't bother. So, we have it kind of ritualized in a lot of ways. I'm the aggressor, and it's up to me to interpret the signals I get back. It's a responsibility that I appreciate, although it took me awhile. I'm constantly courting her. We have little dances that we do and it makes things really fun. I used to resent it, but now I feel like it keeps the marriage alive. I enjoy the thrill of the, such as it is in married life. sex tonite in Qasr-e Qal`eh Ya`qubin that sense of the word. For some reason I'm remembering a scene in a Crocodile Dundee movie. They're at a party, she mentions that her friend used to have a lot of problems, but she's much better now that she's gotten herself a good shrink. He asks what a shrink is, and she says, it's a psychiatrist. He says, what, is she crazy? No, she tells him, she just goes to talk about her problems and work things out. He thinks about that for a bit, then asks, "What's the matter? Hasn't she got any mates?" I always thought that was a gold nugget. I mostly had "mates" like that before I was married, or early in my marriage when my were. After over a dozen moves, I lost track of most of them, between being a divorced mother working, there just never seemed to be the time to put into forming keeping new, meaningful friendships. We only get out of them what we put into them, most of us are god-awful-busy, but hey, LTR is a good forum for a listening ear some useful advice. There are even a few morons like me tapping away at the keyboard when most sane people are sleeping. in there, amelie. swingers board
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