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For one thing, Leavitt’s mother suffered from early-onset Alzheimer’s. She was diagnosed at a relatively age — 52 when her symptoms became obvious — and her illness progressed quickly. She passed away after turning 60. (My grandmother was 90 when she died). Before Alzheimer’s, Leavitt’s mother was a whip-smart, active, and engaged woman. She had attended Radcliffe College, was a renowned teacher in Canada, and ended up working for the New Brunswick government designing the curriculum for all of the kindergartens in the providence. There’s something particularly painful about watching a brilliant mind dissolve. And although researchers believe that keeping the mind active can actually delay Alzheimer’s, Leavitt’s mother was still working when her mind deteriorated. The fact that Leavitt’s mother was such an intelligent, quick-witted woman meant that she was quite aware that she was losing her faculties. That awareness made the process all the more difficult for her; she was angry and bitter and lashed out at those closest to her. She didn’t want to need their help. Caring for someone with Alzheimer’s is no easy task, and Leavitt doesn’t shy away from sharing how hard her mother’s illness was on their family. The disease is particularly difficult on caregivers who are related: spouses, siblings. As Leavitt bravely reveals in Tangles, suddenly the boundaries and intimacies that previously defined those relationships began to blur. At some point her parents’ room is no longer their sanctuary; her mother’s naked body is no longer reserved for her husband’s sexual gaze. Sexuality itself loses meaning. In so ways, his wife is no longer his and no longer a wife. She reverts to an almost infantile stage but remains in the body of an adult woman, making caring for her at home increasingly difficult. In disrupting relationships and stealing away the loved one’s soul, Alzheimer’s often leaves caregivers grieving years before the person’s body finally succumbs to the disease. There is one silver lining to the progression of Alzheimer’s: Eventually Leavitt’s mother is no longer aware of her illness and what it is costing her. With the loss of her cognitive functions, her anger dissipates. west virginia pussyTranslation: "I'm going to sit here and think of absolutely zero and not be touched or talked to because I am about to SCREAM from little fingers and little voices pulling and yammering at me all day -!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I agree with all the other women here: Men want to fix things. Women sometimes just need to talk it out. It's genetic, and it's one of reasons why men and women get so frustrated with each other. Both actions are equally valid, but when you're wired one way, it's hard to understand the way the other is wired. (Sometimes you have a couple where the roles are reversed that's always interesting :-) A couple of things come to mind: 1. Preschool. It doesn't have to be League, but a preschool/Mother's Morning Out program a couple of mornings a week for the 2 year old be a HUGE help for her. The other option is perhaps joining or starting a babysitting coop with other mothers of, where people agree to trade babysitting services among themselves. (We had a great one in our neighborhood 20 or so years ago, you joined for $10, got 10 coupons worth hour each. If you watched someone's, you were paid in coupons that you could, in turn, use for babysitting from someone in the coop.) 2. If the housekeeping is overwhelming for her, perhaps she never learned how to keep house efficiently. With this age, she's going to have to lighten up a bit on standards. Point her towards , which is a tremendous resource on breaking down overwhelming household tasks to regular manageable bites. Reassure her that you value her sanity more than you value a clean sink. 3. Consider starting to schedule date nights once a week. Extra brownie points if you arrange for the babysitter, too :-) Just tell her that you want to spend time with HER a movie, a nice dinner out, holiday shopping heck, if you're near the ski areas, take her for an evening ski session when you get enough snow! 4. Consider a cleaning service that comes in once a week or twice a month to do the deep cleaning. She sounds a little overwhelmed, and you sound like a very caring husband. mothers today are so much more isolated than they used to be from neighbors and families it's hard raising in a vacuum. sex and relationships
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