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I was looking at an earlier post and something caught my attention. My wife and I have been together 9 years, married for 5. She says she is still in with me and often asks am I in with her. I believe (sometimes, when we're not fighting) that she is in with me, but I dont feel in with her. I was when we first got together, but it seems to have faded for me over the years. When we fight, it gets real ugly, real fast and that seems to have impacted the way I feel about her. I just cant let go of some of the things that she says to me. I'm guilty of saying and doind terrible things also. So my question/concern is..if I'm not in with her, should I tell her to stop wasting her time and move on? Or should I stick it out. I'm just over the cute puppy dog "I'M sooo in with you" phase seems like its time to get real pussy from Dupuyer Montana
not a very smart game, either. I don't know if you're the type of person who would take advice from an expert in this area. You might just want advice from strangers on CL, and while we have plenty of advice and opinions, most of us are not experts in domestic violence. Go to a bookstore. Or go on. Buy this book: "The Gift Of Fear" by DeBecker. This is The Expert you need to pay attention to. The first time he got violent you were a victim. Every time after that you were a volunteer. You are still volunteering. For the sake of your kid, I you are capable of learning how to do more than play games and live a drama-filled life. Your kid shouldn't have to live in your world of drama. bowling Hazelwood girls want sexWhen I find my girlfriend getting stressed about the lifestyle we end up living (two PhD students don't exactly have a lot of money, and there's a lot of uncertainty about what kind of jobs we're going to get once we graduate), it's usually because I haven't been giving her enough positive attention of other kinds, haven't been drawing her to look at what we have that is wonderful. So I have to remember to focus my efforts on her directly , not indirectly. I have to stop worrying about what I do for her one day, or what kind of job I might get down the road, and just be sure to her, to ask how her day is instead of launching into how mine was, to really focus on her. I think of it as getting outside of myself, putting my energy into the world, not myself. It's amazing how doing this just an hour a day makes the relationship way more wonderful, and makes her (and me) way less stressed. It's not hard, either, it's just about really paying attention and focusing on her , not on what I am thinking. Listening. Neither one of us is really money-focused, but it's still easy to get stressed about it. Drawing strength from what we really enjoy is the quickest way to be excited with what we have and eager to do it more. It isn't about what I can promise one day. It's about what we both have right here, right now., dreams, books, ideas, friends. And being content in the moment makes things more likely to happen in the future, because most people like to be around a confident, content person and opportunities open up that way. horny dates
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