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after breaking up with the aforementioned guy, upon reflection, I think I realized that my healing process wasn't quite done yet. (If such a process every really "ends," I tend to think of it as an ongoing work in progress.) Anyway, I think I was feeling a bit over-confident at the time proud of myself for a bunch of hard work, in and out of therapy, that I felt I'd done. And when I pushed on that idea a little more, post-breakup, I realized that my attraction to him might've been indicative of something in myself. I wanted someone all strong and assured, but I don't think I was at a place where I could attract that kind of person yet (regardless of gender). Maybe I'm still not! And here we another way that self-esteem is a tricky and slippery thing. I think I had over-learned it, at that point, took it too literally and therefore couldn't really inhabit it in that intrinsic way. I don't really know! she loves it when i cum inside her
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