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here's the up to the minute truth. i sent him an this afternoon (in response to his latest of flurry of wanting to rehash all of his grievances, tell me how much he loves me and hint at maybe coming back) where i basiy told him why i him and have felt confident about our, but that i was going to move on since he left me, but if he could get clear on what he wants and agree to counseling, he knew where to find me and perhaps, if i were still available and still had feelings for him blah blah blah. when i wrote the, it felt like i was being sort of vulnerable and stating my truth, but after i sent it, i felt sort of angry, and like you said that its maybe time to shut the door all the way on this no matter what. i know the part of me that's holding on is afraid he come around/change/be able to offer me all the great that i want (that he often is) and i have missed it because i shut the door. im really torn between thinking it doesn't harm me to say, you can reach out if you get your mind right, maybe ill still be here and saying done and done. which likely eventually lead to him reaching out and saying all the right things and ill have to just assume i cant trust him. he's not a sleeze or a d-bag. he knows he's conflicted and he knows he has to reconcile the part of him that wants to go and the part that wants to stay. i guess the fear is what i outlined above, that ill say no more forever and out on the of my life. its especially hard because he's so wonderful for much of the time, until he shuts down and runs away. it's just not cut and dry at least not to me. i need a best friend is that youyou offered no real insight as to what issue you wish to get addressed by counseling. Is it just stubborn behavior you wish to deal with? Ok, then deal with it. If you have identified the problem now face it head on and discuss it openly. Develop strategies for how best to handle this. There is currently no evidence that speaking to a therapist is any more effective than speaking with anybody. If you have a friend, elder, or mutually respected person that you are both comfortable discussing your problem with, you might give that a try. In reality very few therapists offer appropriate or successful strategies on how to deal with an issue. To further invalidate any input they might have most feel the need to stay neutral or impartial and have no loyalty whatsoever to the truth. Therefore when one or the other is way off base, they seldom anybody out on their bullshit for fear of appearing impartial. The implied conclusion drawn by the offending party is affirmation and that can be profoundly counterproductive. A friend who is comfortable speaking the truth benefit you much more when concise truth is the necessary input needed to effect a desirable change in a relationship dynamic. If you can both identify and acknowledge the problem when it occurs then stop the behavior yourselves. Strategies and techniques help, but the action required must still come from you. Obviously the first thing you must do is remove yourselves from any social setting and de-escalate the situation. That always be a choice, difficult though it be, that you both have to make. From there you have to choose how you wish to behave differently, and force yourselves to do so. dating chat room
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