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Dear compassionate one, Please never disregard your gut feelings about a person and/or situation. Disregarding our intuition usually lands us in a mess or in danger. You are obviously very wise and mature to pick up on these red flags. They are definitely not in your imagination. Your "friend" is obviously operating from a state of fear. Fear promotes irrational and neurotic thoughts and behaviors. He be suffering from some degree of post-traumatic stress syndrome, but would have to a professional for a diagnosis. It is not wrong, weak, or unhealthy for you to feel compassion for him for his losses and his current state of pain. However, as any professional counselor tell you, all your and compassion won't fix him. It is natural to be attracted to his positive attributes. But from the obsessive/compulsive behaviors he's demonstrated in such a very short period of time, his unhealthy side would dominate the relationship. His need to make it official so is an indication that he is not operating from a place a strength. He is making the very common mistake that of us often do by jumping back into a relationship to heal the wounds and fill the emptiness of the one(s) that previously ended. I one thing that you learned from this is that if something does not "feel" right, there is usually a valid reason. I have one important word for you boundaries! You compromised your boundaries in the beginning by giving in to his pressure for a commitment too. You recovered by re-establishing your boundaries by declaring that you not open your life to a person who does not respect your time, personal space, etc But do you how you felt bad for establishing that boundary with him.? There is a great book titled "Boundaries" by Cloud and Townsend that you find very insightful. I think anyone would benefit from reading that book. Boundaries can be tricky, but stick to your instincts. It's understandable that you his good side, but please don't trick yourself into thinking that you can somehow have the side without the weight and toll of the unhealthy. Perhaps you could find peace in praying for him.? Be intentional and determined to meet a guy who has his wonderful qualities. Please don't settle! Best wishes to you! any ladies into metal musicSorry you had to go through this. I know the feeling I still get it sometimes if I'm at a party and DG is interacting with someone other than me or GA. Thankfully this doesn't happen very often I wish the feeling would go away, quite honestly, but it doesn't so I've had to try to learn to cope with it. Sometimes more successfully than others. I think your friend and the guy you are/were interested just didn't understand the strength of your feeling for the guy. It seems to me maybe you didn't understand it yourself, or you would have been able to convey to your friend in no uncertain terms that he was off limits. Perhaps other things about your situation made them think it wasn't crossing a boundary: I assume they both know you have a deep, ongoing relationship with someone? Perhaps they assumed your openness to a Poly lifestyle would permit them to play without you having a negative reaction to it? You are a smart, intuitive, incredibly articulate woman could it be that they assumed if you hadn't told either of them they were off-limits to each other, that they were fair game? It seems to me that if your friend is, as you say, one of your best friends, she wouldn't horn in on your "territory" if she thought it was "your" territory. She seems to have a genuine interest in the guy, from what you've said she has subsequently communicated to you do you think she is the type of person that would let herself go there if she truly thought she were stepping on your toes? FYI, I am by no means sure I'm reading this accurately just throwing out another theory among the others that have been offered previously. cybersex chatrooms
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