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I'm trying not to repeat myself over and over, trying to hide how shitty I feel, because I know it just push him away, or throw dirt in the face of what he's currently expressing to me. I really wish I weren't like this. :/ All I can do is "fake it til you make it," it seems like. All I can do is just act like everything's as it ought to be until it is. I'm just afraid I'll never let go, never be able to believe him for an extended period of time. And that it come up someday in an argument, try as I might to avoid that type of thing. It's a flaw of mine, dredging. :( Last night when we had sex, he wanted me to mount him and I couldn't bear the idea of doing so. I couldn't bear looking at him while crushing him with my weight and being "in control." I just don't know what the hell is wrong with me. I know all the right ways to tell OTHER people to confront and overcome these feelings, but when I tell myself these things, it all rings so hollow. I guess I just can't get away from myself, and I am my own merciless enemy. Clemson women fuckingI have 2. They are older now but damn they are a mess. Turns out my first wife them in ways I only had a very suspicion that it was going on. My just got out of jail and married an illegal Mexican, her pregnant of course. He also has 2 other by 2 more different women. My daughter now has 2 from 2 different guys. Like I said, nothing but a total mess. I had given up on the type of family life I had dreamed about from early teenager. You'll laugh but the Cleavers in Leave It To Beaver would have been a wonderful life. This was not the life I had planned nor the one I had wanted. Anyway, I have talked to a couple younger ladies about my disappointment and loss and they have advised me that I should consider finding a great enough and interested enough to start a new family. They seem to think I have something that would attract younger women. (What that is I have no clue. Maybe if I knew I'd take advantage of it!! LOL) For me this is a wonderful thought. I realize I wouldn't be around as as I would like if I started a family now. But any that came from someone with me would be loved, understood and treated with a wonderful home life. I am 52 years old. I'm not sure how to go about meeting ladies that are enough to have babies and who would take me seriously enough to at least talk to me about having a relationship. I'm certainly not stupid enough to walk up to a woman and just ask, you me and have my babies? I'm not a terrible looking guy and am fairly active. I live comfortably but don't have the money that causes every within 30 to show up at my door. What do I need to do to meet and interest younger women? is a really funky thing. There's certainly no way to wiggle your nose and cause to happen. I need some direction here. Please, if your advice is to get my head checked and then forget about it, don't wast your time. I already had that part figured out and was living it. But the feedback I've had recently has me thinking. man wants woman
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