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How not to be eaten by a Duck Avoid smearing yourself in stale breadcrumbs unless absolutely necessary. If threatened by a duck, climb a tree. Ducks, usually excellent climbers, refuse to share trees with anything. a large automatic weapon with you whenever walking past a river or pond. Become a microbiologist and develop a duck form of myxomatosis. Become an electronics whizz and build a battery-powered thingy that repels ducks by means of ultrasound. Become a physicist and repel ducks. And everything. a tin whistle in your shirt pocket or handbag and practise duck-charming techniques to buy time to escape, should you be threatened. Move to Siberia. As far as I know, no ducks live near there. If you can't beat them, join them: Whilst ducks be vicious, they are civilised creatures and the idea of cannibalism disgusts them. Rather than just getting another pullover from your granny next Christmas, ask her for a duck costume instead. Do everything in your car. Eat in it, sleep in it, perhaps even travel in it. Never leave your car. Remember to check it for ducks first. Go on a safari holiday to Africa, go to the lions and jump out of the Land Rover into the middle of a hungry pride. I'd like to a duck try to reach you then. Contract Anorexia Nervosa and wear tight clothing to make sure the ducks realise they'd be wasting their time eating you. Sneak onto the set of a film about the middle ages and steal some chain mail. Ask God to reconsider whether they were worth putting on the planet in the first place. Be polite. Make friends with lots of plump, tasty-looking people. about with them all the time, after making sure you can run faster than all of them. Do not mistake ducks for geese. Geese allow themselves to be petted and stroked and even hand-fed whilst ducks take your arm off at the first available opportunity. lets hook up tonight i can come to you asaphttps:// Canadians to salvage 'ghost ship' set adrift by tsunami A Canadian fishing boat has claimed salvage rights over a derelict Japanese ship that drifted to Alaska after it was washed away by the tsunami. The US Coast Guard said it would drop its plan to sink the Ryou-Un Maru unless the Canadians cannot tow it. The ft (61m) "ghost ship" has no lights, power or crew and is a danger to other ships, the coast guard said. The ship is thought to be at the vanguard of a stream of tsunami debris drifting east since March. amateur swingers
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