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My sub and I started out in a bedroom only D/s setup, One day, we were sitting together on my couch, and in the course of discussion decided that we enjoyed our roles enough to take into the regular aspect of our life. We're not completely for any number of reasons, but it's definitely way more than just limited to sex. But you're asking about balance. The way he and I balance things is that he generally has a rule/punishment and reward structure (that we discussed beforehand based on limits, wants and needs) he's to abide by. For example: he's a masochist, so pain is a reward for him. In the rare times I've had to punish him, it's really more verbal in nature like telling him he's being inappropriate and it displeases me, which is a HUGE thing for him. He's a pleaser, loves tasks and service. Disappointing me is upsetting to him, so mental punishments are better for him than most physical ones. There are some things I don't have control over, like his finances and his creative outlets (his band, his writing). These are areas that existed before I did in his life, and I prefer to leave them to him. -Though I'd be remiss to say that he doesn't ask for counsel every once in a while regarding these issues, I generally don't give orders about them unless I feel he's being completely unreasonable that hasn't happened as of yet, and it's been nearly 3 years. It's going to be trial and error the entire way, I think. There have been times with my sub that fell flat, and some were fantastic. That's the only way you're going to know what works for you and what doesn't. Hamburg granny sexI learned that in a hospital, they ALWAYS tell you "You're doing so well!" in the mistaken notion that BELIEVING you are doing well make it so. I'm really annoyed by "magical thinking", by the way, except of course when I'm actually practicing the Craft and TRYING to be magical. Anyway, my brother is an MD, and HE got the real story they thought I was toast for the first days. I say this I didn't a light exactly, but I did come to the edge. I was thinking about either going on through, or going BACK but I knew that going back would involve a lot of suffering. Then I thought "Oh shit. If I die right now, my ex-wife won't know who to and what information to give to collect the life insurance!" So I essentially told the Universe "Um, actually, I have to go fill out some paperwork. I'll be back later. Possibly MUCH later " Despite being a HUGE headonist, I really think I am a good person, and when it all came down to it, my ex-wife and my were what mattered to me. I didn't think I'd ever be able to walk again. I certainly didn't think I'd be able to walk half as good as I do now. I am starting to think that maybe, if I keep hitting the gym and do my yoga , my strength and balance be good enough some day that I'll be able to dance or even run again. badminton sex
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