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I dated someone awhile back who was incredibly turned on by being choked and slapped in the face, and having her hair pulled. I later learned that she was previously beaten by a boyfriend when she tried to leave him he slapped her, dragged her around the room by the hair and, she said, strangled her with the intent to kill her. (Sorry if this is unpleasant, but there a point coming ) (And obviously, she escaped with her life, and fled that f*cker in San, making it up here to SF.) So I wondered why in the world she would want to incorporate those things into sex play? Well, pardon the amateur psycholoanlysis ('I'm not a shrink, but I play one on TV '), but my theory is that she took something terrifying, life-threatening, and processed it by sublimating it into an arousing sexual experience with someone she trusted, in a safe consensual setting. So in fact, this is a broader question about corporal punishment in general for instance, the way it was posed below by whoever said it's more exciting to have spanking (or whatever) administered as 'correction' for specific 'infractions' (with which I whole-heartedly agreee, btw :-). I wonder whether the masochists and subs among us (and I've been on that side in the past) crave punishment and other forms of correction becuase in essence we are seeking either to expiaste some real, deeply-seated guilt, or to process with sexual release some specific frightening or unpleasant event to whatever degree we are or aren't consciously aware of it. So I guess, put another way, if you were hurt or embarassed in the past and it was NOT YOUR FAULT you can 'own' it and take back control over it by processing iit with a lover under negotiated conditions. Get it? So in that light, maybe the question is, does the sub's for punishment, correction, etc., stem from something bad done to her/him, which was out of her/his control, and and a need to possess it take it back, in a sense by reprocessing it in a setting in which she/he is surrendering control? And if so, isn't that a fascinating paradox? :-) ~Z. nsa women in Somersetand I don't mean to sound so ous about it. People make decisions and regret them all the time, so really it's not surprising that people regret the decision to have an abortion. They would probably regret the decision to not have one as well. This is where I find conflict in my own beliefs. Some states require some sort of basic counselling to make sure that the mother is making a well informed decision. They go, talk to a shrink, then have to wait for a set amount of time (1-3 days I think), and then can make their formal decision. I agree with this practice in theory, because I can't imagine how difficult a decision it would be, and such decisions should not be made in the heat of the moment. But in reality this practice presents a burden on lower income women. They have to take time off work for the counselling and more time off for the proceedure as well. That just adds more stress to someone who's already faced with a difficult decision. So, is required counselling helping or hurting them ? As for the claim that "most of them do not stem from rape or even failed contraception, but are simply 'conveniences'." This is such a common claim but is rarely supported by data. What defines 'conveniences' in these cases anyway? "I can't afford to have a kid and can't stand the thought of giving my offspring away" or "I don't look good in maternity clothes" or "If my hubby finds out I cheated on him he'll kill me". Could be anything. Also, I can easily a scenario where someone was raped but wasn't able to admit it I wonder if and how often those cases of abortion exist that aren't reported as rape but as "conveniences". Oh yeah and Unruh's statement that "- who have had abortions.." Any scholar knows that is just a filler for when you don't have actual data but your intuition or bias says that you have a lot of something but don't have the to back up your claims. erotic personals
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My GF and I have been together for almost 3 years now. She pushed for us to move in together, which I eventually went for because we were together all the time. She also really wanted to get engaged. It took me over a year to get completely comfortable with the idea but I finally did and planned on proposing this christmas. That is until she wrote me a note and essentially told me that she does not want to live together next year, she does not want to get engaged anytime, and gave me a laundry list of things I need to improve on if I want a ltr with her. I agree with a lot of the things she wants me to improve on, they are really in my best interest and it's nothing petty. She also wants me to a therapist because a lot of my problems stem from anxiety and my severe pessimism. But since the note, about 3 weeks ago, I can't help but be angry with her. I'm not sure if I'm angry with her or with myself, or if I'm trying to improve myself for me or for her. Or maybe I'm just reeling from having a future I was sure of just yanked out from under my feet. Sorry for the post, if anyone even read to this point, thank you. I just needed to throw this out there, even if no one hears it. bring in the new year with new people fat boy looking
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