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- of us are adults and have impulse control. what i mean is that we choose which urges to act on and refrain from doing reckless things that we might be able to "get away with". unless you are an adolescent or a sociopath, your goal is not usually to what you can get away with in life. it is to make choices that matter and live with integrity. you actually desperately NEED therapy, but you clearly don't WANT it. that is fine. if you don't want to change, then therapy is not some kind of magic pill that fix you. therapy is for people who are ready to make changes and willing to put in the work needed to actualize their goals. you are still rationalizing your behavior (hey, people do what they can get away with, everyone would behave like me if they could! OR i don't treat women nearly as badly as other men do) and defending acting like an adolescent neanderthal. i don't any to change in that. i do think that when you are 50 and single, and unable to attract women or find sex easily anymore, you might be lonely and envious of your peers who were able to form meaningful relationships and have families. but hey, maybe not. 30 year old for older intelligent fit woman
Just in horrible, painful wrapping paper. Losing your first, that first real heartbreak, is crushing. I've been there. It feels like your soul is being ripped out of your chest. I'm glad that she has a caring, supportive friend to help her through. She's going to need you. She's going to feel down for a while, but she can't stay there. Be careful on your end not to talk to much crap about the ex, there were real feelings there, and if you talk bad about him she'll 1. feel like she has to defend him or 2. think 'wow, I wasn't even good enough for this creep'. Neither are good. So, you need to give her time to eat hagen daz while watching chick flicks in her sweats for a week or two. And then you need to help her reinvest in herself. Hit the gym, get the break up hair cut, go shopping, go dancing, go try things she never would if she were partnered. Have you ever heard the expression 'break up hot'? It's when you channel that anger and hurt into building yourself up, both physiy and mentally. She should take a class and work her (always feels great!), try a new style, invest in her NEW self. I can sympathize. I was with my first for 4 years, and he was a childhood friend for a lot longer. He had issues, but he really was my first, my first everything. When we broke up, it nearly broke me. But looking back, it was one of the best things that ever happened to me. I threw myself into school, friends, hobbies, lost 15 lbs, etc. That next year was hard and lonely, but I gained a sense of myself I'd NEVER had before. I ended up stronger, happier, more self assured. Once I got to a place were I was happy really, truly 'don't need a -' happy, guess what happened? Yup, the REAL of my life showed up just like that. He adored this feisty, independent I'd turned into. I felt like he loved who I was from deep down, and not who I grew into to please him like my first. 15 years later, he still loves all that stuff. And first? Divorced, addicted, in and out of jail, and still full of regret. He really did me a favor. sexy mature ladies saw you in Eden New Yorkyou are lonely huh? I moved down from sf. I've been living here for about six months. I'm also volunteering for that outfest thing. I am single, but heartbroken single. Meaning I'm just getting back into the dating scene but not really looking. single women looking for sex
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