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Here's the thing: You can't just pluck one thing out of the air and pass judgement on your BF's entire financial management without giving us a little more background. If $ is a negligible amount to him, then you don't get to judge. IF he has savings, isn't in debt up to his eyeballs and is generally fairly responsible then he can spend his money any damn way he pleases. It's not your place to "approve" of what he spends his money on, in that case. Do I think $ is silly for a pair of casual sneakers for ANYONE? Sure. I wouldn't pay it, I'm not really a fashionista, but I don't begrudge anyone paying, IF THEY CAN AFFORD IT. (I have to admit, I once saw a pair of Louboutins that completely entranced me but couldn't bring myself to spend $ on a pair of shoes. That's MY choice. It certainly doesn't stop some people!) However, I did pay $ for soccer shoes for my one year he was playing on a club/travel team, and he wears a size 15 hard to find even regular shoes, much less well-fitting soccer shoes (and they HAVE to fit, the way those had to change direction on a dime.) He took care of them, kept 'em clean and even conditioned them occasionally. He appreciated them. Does your BF's appreciate the shoes? Or does he just toss 'em aside like last week's paper? Do a backcheck and make sure that your own financial and romantic history isn't coloring your judgement on your boyfriend's spending habits. You grew up poor. OK, yeah, a lot of people did. Growing up poor doesn't make you morally superior. (Neither does growing up, but that's another story.) I can why you might be nervous, especially if your ex was not fisy responsible. You say that he likes to spend money, but again DOES HE HAVE IT TO SPEND? If you and he co-mingle your finances, then you might want to consider taking a financial management class together, such as Ramsey's Financial Peace (take the 13-week seminar, it's more powerful than the on-line offerings, because it's harder to duck behind rationalizations. :-) It's a great program for getting partners on the same, financially, and helping them organize their financial goals in sensible ways. married women seeking men LeClaire Iowa
I had to read some of your posting history, because your handle was familiar and then I remembered the step driving dilemma. Here's some of your previous posts I read to get more familiar with the situation: ttp:// There is a LOT going on in this relationship with you and your fiance. I read a lot in there about performance. Who does what chores, how much you do, how little he does, etc. That is clearly a problem area. Also you mentioned in there that you don't feel he is affectionate or caring toward you in ways. That is a problem. Then we have the fact that he wants you to teach his how to drive and he wants no part helping. That is a problem. Now we have your, who needs some help, yes he is 18 and techniy an adult, but obviously hasn't got all his ducks in a row yet, as of us didn't at age 18 and your fiance doesn't want him to live with you at all? problem!!! Counseling, if you two want to make this relationship work at all. Otherwise, your fiance needs to get a new address. tennis date in upper Arkansastake a few months to get your ducks in a row. make sure car repairs are done, stock up on groceries (non-perishables) and clothes for you and boys, go ahead and get school supplies and maybe some xmas items. get some money in the bank NOT in a joint account. arrange (don't sign anything) for your own place. have papers drawn up with parenting time and offer up that noone pays anyone support each takes care of their own and split on extra expenses. present it to him and ask does he want to stay and pay all bills himself or go and you'll take over the house alone. but either way one of you is going. if he won't leave, then you go. please, stop with the "my boys" thinking. he's their father and has just as rights to parenting time as you do. especially being boys they don't need to go into the world thinking that dads aren't around. dating for professionals
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