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different modesties? Can two people have different views of mosdesty and still have a good relationship? How can I identify what MY problem is about this whole thing. I think it is easy to simply judge someone as insecure and that they are trying assert control over another person, and I can accept that I am insecure about it, and the idea of controlling another person repulses me. But part of the problem does include that I believe that certain attire is appropriate and some not that a suit that is "sexy" at a -'s swim class is fundamentally wrong because sexuality does not have a place in a swim class per se not that the would care an iota of it, but that the dad's are there to concentrate on the and a bikini would cause a distraction, especially for myself I know that I would be distracted by the sight of this woman in this suit. I was the one who asked her on the phone "so what bathing suit did you wear?" Why did I? Why did I even open that door? Because I needed to cause myself some pain I guess. This was a new thing for her and I had already raised 2 and experienced the swimming pool classes and had an idea in my head of what it should be like. This is a woman who claims that the liberal left coast childhood leaves her with: the absence of caring about showing off skin that she is youthful and should dress youthfully that she is and can dress that, and this is the hardest for me to accept, she literally doesn't anything around her such as other men, who might be exhibiting attraction behavior toward her. I still want to know where the root of the discomfort lies and hopefully come to how I can handle these kinds of things going forward. The reactions and feelings are part of me and I can't yet avoid them. I want to be secure. I want her to make her own life choices and not be with a guy who chimes in that her choices evoke negative emotions. I want to reconcile the ideas of what is appropriate in certain social settings. I am disgusted by the concept of control and don't knowingly my reactions as a conscious attempt to control. I worry though, that I am already too hard-wired in my reactions and fear that I can't change what needs changing regarding insecurity. i just want you to watch maybe even helpby your description. You are educated, paying off debts, know not to get yourself into situations you can't handle. You give no stats besides 75lbs overweight. I'm guessing that it's really not that bad where you'd be losing every potential date due to it. Thirty is still, even more so for a guy. So what is your problem? Probably personality. You don't seem to think there's anything good about you. You expect to find the one in months. You are also probably searching out of your league and only using dating sites. You want to lose weight then join a gym or a meetup type group that get you active. Meet like-minded women who are also shedding weight. Walk at a park and when you pass a woman smile and say a simple good morning. her again make it a habit (don't directly approach her or attempt to walk with her until you have put in a decent amount of hello's and good morning's, she think you're a creep). Also, don't bring up topics such as: I live with my mom/roommates/rent a room; my car is a beater; I have a temporary job. Go out and enjoy dates, and if you manage to get to around the third or fourth you could start offering more information with a positive spin. single women
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