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than a simple diagnosis. I do know how it feels when your spouse detaches and is going through midlife crisis. Let me tell you: when your loved one stops caring, they really stop loving you. If you've gotten the "I you but I'm not IN with you" speech, you've got the typical MLC spouse. And now for some tough -: as much as YOU and still care for her enough to try anything to repair the damage, if she's "not feeling it," there's nothing you can do to "make her you again." Have you seen a therapist with her? How about your own hangups for not losing the weight? If you are both following your passions and who you are, these issues wouldn't affect the relationship as much as they do. Her blowout does seem like she's been pulling the passive approach to trying to control you, and she couldn't hold back any more. What do you need during your family member's health issues? Someone to hold onto and console you? Sorry, but if you didn't have a wife now, you'd have to cope on your own. As a woman who came out of a 15-year marriage being the "clingy, puppy-like affectionate one" like yourself, I'm surprised by how well I can deal with any crisis now. You'd be surprised by the hidden strength we each hold in ourselves! If she refuses to get counseling and just wants out, let her go. Do NOT after her, pretzel yourself around her by "showing her" how much you are worthy of her, and do not wait for some magical date when she'll come to her senses. It or not happen, but you already know she's a flight risk in crisis. From my research on the average person's time in MLC, it takes about 3-5 years to go through it and they have to hit "rock bottom" before any positive change occurs. Do get support for yourself through friends or family. It really sucks to realize the one you is unrequited. lonely woman South Kingstown
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