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Help the first guy find a reliable babysitter or daycare he can take the to. For some reason (no offense guys) I've noticed guys aren't good at finding childcare without a little guidance. Either hold his hand and help him or just do it for him. That'll take care of problem number 1. Two, milking cows isn't like running over and feeding the cats! I grew up on a farm and I'll still occasionally help others with farm chores when they are faced with an emergency but to just expect you to come over and milk the damn cows at 4:00 am, well, the guy has BIG balls! Again, tell him you can't do this unless there's an emergency but you'll be happy to help place ads, etc. to find him some help. If he can afford cows, he can either afford to pay someone or take care of them himself. If you don't want to take those approaches, then here is another way to discourage their behavior. The day the guy dumps his on you or the other wants you to come over at 4:00 am to milk his freaking cows and you can't say no, go ahead and do it, then that evening, go dump all of your on them and you and your husband go out and enjoy the evening. Not too times of that and they'll stop imposing on you. I used to be a doormat but somewhere along the way I figured out to either straight up say no or find subtle ways out of it when I don't want to make waves. still quirky still existential still singleRespect tempers honesty and values not only the truth in what is said but the truth in how it's taken; and it NEVER uses honesty as a weapon. My husband and I DO insist on strict honesty in our relationship, there are sometimes when he come to me and says "we need to talk" and I know I am not going to like what I hear, but if it is said with the motivation to help the relationship and in a way that makes clear that the other person is valued,then it is taken well and helps strengthen us. An example was here today on this forum, with a complaining about how is wife ate. He was honest, but not respectful, in fact I believe he ed his wife a cow. That's not going to do anything but poison a relationship and cause a person to prefer lies to the truth. My husband actually has the same complaint about me, I breathe through my mouth due to sinus trouble and sometimes eat noisily because of it. But the way he voiced it made a huge difference, something a the lines of " I know it's small, but it bothers me, could you try to pay more attention to it in the future?" Stating the complaint respectfully AND honestly gives us the ability to keep the air clear and not allow little things to build into resentment, and at the same time keep our emotions unbruised. i want to have sex
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