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being supportive, dufus. You assumed that since she said there was nothing you could do for her, then you should leave her to deal with this by herself. Women don't usually think that way. MEN do, but not women. Instead, women usually gravitate *towards* each other (or to understanding SOs) for emotional support; not close themselves off to be alone. Rule #1: DO NOT attempt to tell her what she should do to feel better. You're not Mr. Fixit; she doesn't want you to find solutions for her problems. She wants you to hold her hand, listen to her woes, let her cry on your shoulder, and hold her close. That's all. Rule #2: DO NOT blow off her emotions as unimportant, unrealistic, or counter-productive. Just let her vent, cry, complain, or bitch; while you stay out of the line of fire. Once she's vented, she'll calm down and feel better. Rule #3: Understand that "no, there's nothing you can do for me" means this: no, you're not a doctor and you can't fix this cancer for me. But I'm, and I don't want you to know how I am; so I'm going to tell you that you can't help, while at the same time I *expect* and *need* you to stand ready to catch me when it becomes too much to handle by myself. So yes, there's nothing you can do FOR me. But there's a whole lot you can do to make me feel better while I go through this by myself. Make sense? Send her flowers, make homemade goofy cards to tell her you're thinking of her, fix her favorite dinner, distract her with and other activities, buy her a bear, mow her lawn or rotate her tires for her, or text her for no reason other than to say I you or hear her voice, ask how she's feeling today, stuff like that. blonde orange pants
Here's the thing: I am the daughter of a bipolar/paranoid schizo mother and a depressed drunk. In my first 23 yrs I did more than they have ever (. house, car, school, career, friends). Now, life keeps changing. My bf (who moved in over the -) got very sick and words like dialysis are being tossed around cause his anti-rejection meds for his liver are damaging his kidneys. If you ask him, his only focus is "getting better". All my friends are "too busy". I started seeing a shrink cause I am terrified of finding myself caught in my parent's trap, though I've taken a very different road in life. Shrink says that it's not to work all by yourself and come home only take care of (output) and your bf (output) and then only focus on school with no "me-time". Gave me a homework assginment "Go out with your friends one night this week, if only for a couple hours". Call up some friends. Was completely honest. After all, if you can't be completely honest with your friends, who can you be completly honest with? I'm not okay, I'm very depressed lately. My illness, my bf's illness, the normal stress that comes with moving in together put aside to deal with the two, and just life as a mom whose working her ass off to do right by her it's a lot to bear. One friend says "I know you'll figure it out!" Another says "Good luck, my only focus is on work and school right now". Another just competes "Well, I have this going on, and this and this " (and she has a very supportive husband and family). Oh yeah, I have no family in CO. My parents moved us away from them 20yrs ago before dumping me on my ass at. I know this is a LTR forum, but this is the only forum people provide decent feedback. And this is having a profound impact on my LTR with my bf and with myself. What would you do? Cause I'm seriously at a loss. older women want sex JamaicaFirst time posting, so please bear with me :) Was married for 18 years, officially separated since Feb. X wife has not worked until recently My mistake (and I know this was stupid on my part) was not separating financial stuff until about a year later Since Feb. date of separation: I've paid % of joint debt (approx $40k) I've paid % of all household expenses (approx $85K) including mortgage, taxes, insurance, utilities, groceries, car payments, etc. even though I was not living there. I was trying to keep her and my two high school age in the house until they graduated. I was under no separation decree to do this. I did it because I thought it was the right thing to do. Since separation, my X wife has also raided the the account, buying palm readings, on-line spell casting, sex toys, thousands in clothing, giving money to one of her boyfriends, etc. I have records of all of this. We'll be going to our mandetory settlement conference. Here's what I'm hoping to find out: For the joint debt, would a judge me 50% of what I've paid? If she has no cash, how would I receive that back? reduced spousal support? Any thoughts? Any experiences out there? For excessive spending on her part for the above stuff, what would a judge decide? I want to go into the settlement conference knowing what I can expect if she stone-walls me and we have to go to court. I've attempted to negotiate with her on several occasions, but she's poo-poo'd everything I've presented. I also agreed to pay for % of legal fees if she'd go to a mediator, which we did, and when we finished and she saw what the settlement was, she didn't like the amount, and told me to pound sand. Another $3K down the toilet .. I know this rambles a bit, but any advice out of experience would be GREATLY appreciated!!! Thanks! latina teens
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