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I read a good analogy of relationships vs. casual relationships. In one, you are both "co-piloting" the direction of the plane, so to speak. You communicate and compromise together on equal footing. There is a balance of and respect. The casual relationship is one where there is a driver, and the other is the passenger. The driver steers in any direction of (his) choice, while the passenger just reacts to his decisions, usually more in (and afraid of losing the other) than the driver. It sounds to me like you are the passenger, waiting for the shoe to drop. You have a choice: since you've waited too to communicate what you're looking for in a relationship (- term goals included), here's your to just come out and tell him. For instance, sit him down and say, "I am looking for a monogamous relationship, and plan to get married within the next years (or whatever you have in mind). Are you willing to go with my program? How do you yourself in those plans?" Or, you could continue being the passenger, live in fear of abandonment, and play nice. It sounds like you avoid confrontation, but I'll tell you one thing: when you don't express your thoughts, feelings, or boundaries/expectations, you are bullying yourself. It's a form of low self-worth. Think about it: if you tell a what your needs are, and he runs for the hills, is that the kind of you want to be in a relationship with? Why wouldn't you tell it like it is? If you want a to respect you, then you have to start respecting yourself. hot pussy in Belopyi you're sensitive enough to make the distinction between the two words. there are some activists who argue that cross-racial affection is inherently problematic, based (in this case) on the "rice quean" phenomenon. sometimes, older white males objectify younger asians, projecting all kinds of exotic and colonialist fantasies onto them. as an older white male who has had affectionate relationships with asian men, i find the "rice quean" syndrome despicable. some asian activists, for example, argue that asian men who prefer whites have some kind of low self-esteem, etc. perhaps that is indeed the case in some instances, but i believe it is possible for men of different races to enjoy mutually supportive and affectionate relationships without all the colonialist crap. but far too often, it doesn't happen that way. still, podechong, i wouldn't feel that your interest in white males is anything to feel uncomfortable about. we are all complex creatures and there is no explaining our. sometimes it is racist/racialist, but sometimes (probably mostly) it is not. looking for some afternoon fun
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