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I've been with my great for 4+ years, married now almost a year. All is great.. I've noticed a trigger for myself, he went on a trip to his family this year and last year, I couldn't go. But both times left me upset, and with very atypical-for-me, depressed abandonment issues. I didn't tell him, because I didn't understand why I was having those feelings. Knew he was perfectly justified in going. So I started journaling, trying to figure out my prob and learned I have some residual childhood things to deal with. Borderline personality and bipolar mom. Anyway, I finally told hubby I want to work through some of this stuff, we decided to read "the languages" together. I flipped to the back and noticed a particular question that says, share your best and worst childhood memory. Well, my worst is that I was date raped- (my first sexual encounter) when I was 17 by my own boyfriend of 6 months, which obviously ended the relationship. And I learned he had already been seeing another woman by the time he did that. So at the time, I wrote about it in my journal. My borderline personality mother sneaked around and read my diary and misinterpreted, thought I was having a normal sexually active relationship. I didn't tell her what happened because I thought she wouldn't believe me. And for months she ed me a whore, , said she hated me, I would never be as good as my sister blah blah blah I ended up suicidal to the point of making intricate plans. Anyway, I know this is some of what I need to work through, plus more. I'm worried about telling hubby this he is just barely grasping a notion that my mom might have been challenging to deal with, he doesn't understand what I've tried to tell him about her mental probs. She's on meds now and rather sweet. I hear guys don't want to hear about their wives past sexual experiences/drama etc. Do I tell him or not tell him this. I can't deal with him not understanding/not believing/judging, etc. He is a reserved guy, nice. This is totally different than anything he knows about me, I'm a professional, very independent, calm, happy, I'd say normal :) Thanks for reading all this.. any input greatly appreciated. 6 0 165lbs strong athletic white guy in town w hotelor join an organization to help others? In fact there's opportunities to help someone everyday and that is where so of our unsung hero’s perform their benevolence. FTR Mother, and Christ (just to name two) helped total strangers and there was nothing ewww, desperate, weird, or odd about them. I’m surprised by your posts lately because I’ve never seen you as being a judgmental or a self righteous person and I don’t believe that you are. That being said please don’t take this as being “a bit odd” since I don’t know you but I sincerely that everything is okay with you because you seem a bit out of sorts imho. I that all is well and I wish you a wonderful day of giving thanks. single black male
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