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professional single male looking for ltr borderline personality disorder on the web and if she falls into the criteria. I had a friend who sounds very similar to yours. She drained me emotionally. There was no texting back then or I am sure I would be getting texts all day from her, spouting rage and drama. My husband started complaining because she was ing all the time to complain about her life. She would go into a rage because someone didn't thank her for a tip. She'd been married 3 times at that point, all abusive men. In and out of very intense relationships. I finally let a fight over the phone be the last of us. I've worried for her safety ever since but I talked with a psychologist who told me never to contact this woman again and sited the diagnosis before I even mentioned it. She said these women are hard for even the pros to help and to stay out of her life. If your friend fits the criteria, there is likely nothing you can do to help her. Even if she doesn't, she still sounds like a handful and in need of counseling and perhaps a psych eval. You are NOT being selfish. You have to draw boundaries, especially now that you are married and need time with your spouse. YOU decide how much you want to talk with any friend, not them. It is your right to tell your friend that while you feel bad for her unhappiness, you her repeating the same destructive patterns in her life that are causing her woes and it's draining to you to have to listen to her complain about it. You can say that you still be her friend but that she needs to be working this stuff out with a professional, not by complaining to you. Or, you decide that you don't want this person in your life anymore and say you would rather not have contact until she is in counseling and working on these issues. I say that because I have serious doubts that this women would seek help. People with personality disorders usually have an alternate reality and think everyone is to blame for their problems. Lastly, try getting a book on boundaries. Dr. Cloud writes some excellent ones. He also has some about "button pushers" that are great.
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