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I am currently in a LTR, we have two boys and he wants to get married. I can't him unless I give him my whole heart, it just wouldn't be fair to him. You must know that I wasn't a shy, reserved kid until I saw my dad die before I was even 6, and my mom was abusive and I never really learned how to make friends or trust anyone. A lot of you laugh at me for saying this, but I have an almost 18yr old crush. We met on my first day of third grade which was also a brand new school to me. We were never friends, both of us too shy to do more than steal glances at each other. Twice his friends tried to talk to me about the two of us dating, but I was far too skeptical of them to speak to them about it. There were a few times we spoke on the school bus, but he was way into sports and always had practice so we never got past more than small talk. I feel that given more time together something would have happened but we were in such different groups that he would have risked ridicule by his cool friends, and I would have been banished by my friends for talking to one of the cool are mean aren't they?? All through middle and high school I would steal looks at him, and several times I would find him already looking at me, or I would look away when he found me looking at him. I know this is all stuff but I am severely emotionally damaged, on top of being bi-polar, paranoid and having OCD and general and social anxiety. I am so afraid of everything and can't stop obsessing over EVERYTHING. I have regrets but I am learning how to deal with ALL my symptoms. Now that I am medicated and learning how to live like a normal human being, I need to get this off my chest. My current bf, whom I met on CL, wants to get married. I know this is a good, he takes care of me and my as best he can (he works a shit pt wage job and donates plasma for money). I know this is the I should probably, and that this "crush" is probably nothing, but I can't help but think "what if"; I can't just let this go. I have to confront this and . I don't know I know it would be stupid to just randomly send him a message on FB, confessing my (like an idiot) but I just need closer. And I have no idea how to do it, whether or not I SHOULD and all in all I just don't know what to do. Does anyone have advise? late night sex into Crystal Falls Michigan morning
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