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There was a fairly large break within the feminist movement several years ago (beginning in the late 70s, picking up steam in the 80's, exploding briefly in the 90's, and then quietly vanishing, at least as far as the mainstream was concerned) that was over exactly what you are discussing. A lot of artistic and scholarly work was done by queer women of color at that time, not so much as part of the feminist movement, but precisely intending to say that they were not part of it, and to ask why. People like AnzaldĂșa, Cisneros, Lord. There are any number of complex theories as to why this happens. Power. Bias. Racism or privilege amongst white feminists. Without disagreeing with any of those I think there's a little something to all of them I think a more fundamental issue that tends to affect almost any crusading cause is that they struggle very deeply with being able to recognize people as individuals. Often by definition, they are fighting for "women" or "the poor" (generic) and have blind spots when it comes to what those individual poor people or women or queers or whatever actually look like, and what their different needs and cultures are like. More dangerously, they tend to any sort of difference as fracturing "the cause," and so they are more than willing to throw individuals under the bus if they do not conform lock step to the vision of what "woman" is. Ultimately, "the cause" becomes more important and than the people within it. Women become more important than woman. This is a danger of fighting for ideas and not for people, and it is certainly not limited to white ladies. I do not think it is unavoidable, but it is often the likely outcome. IMHO, the only way to avoid it is to learn how to be willing to compromise and to learn to accept that real life requires some levels of injustice. Human life CANNOT be perfect. This is a cold position to take and so refuse to take it, but the result is that they become willing to fight the slightest injustice with disproportionate violence. Personally, I would rather be realistic and a little cold than naive and deadly. need her to shit on me"sportfucked". Very nice (I steal that). There's really two separate issues in play here: whether the 'agreement' (whatever it IS) gets violated; and whether it's rational to continue a behavior (sportfucking) after a relationship grows into an LTR. The 'agreement' question is prima facia so I'll ignore it. What I consider hypocritical though is when you meet someone (sportfucking) and then at some point one of the partners decides that sportfucking is no longer acceptable for both parties. Why? If it was OK before, why is it no longer acceptable? Because the calendar ticked over some mysterious amount of time? Or because you reached your Nth date? Or because you signed a paper (which really refers to the 'agreement' question NOT the rationality of the behavior)? relationship dating advice
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