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I don't understand much of your post, but I want to try to help. You say you're looking for an LTR and you've been finding men to date who "seem to resonate with your new found energy." Yet: "I cannot find men around my age with who want a term relationship." And men w/out make you suspicious: "I need some assurances on why would these men were never married in the first place or had families" You think there's something 'wrong' w/ the men who've never been married and/ or had -; there's something wrong w/ the men who've been there/ done that, but don't want those things/ an LTR with you. In this logical loop, there's something wrong everyone even you!: "I cannot think like a. My thinking is little clouded because I am a woman." Frankly, I don't know any woman who'd ever say such a thing (esp. not one in her 40s but I'll remit my back-burner inklings, re: your gender ). Your 'perceptions' are deceiving you. Forget the self-betraying mess about maturity/ immaturity/ age; forget about (existent or not); forget marriage. These ideals/ 'plans' are disallowing you from getting in on the ground floor w/ these men. You come in w/ too preconceptions, jumping too far ahead in your mind. In this way, you cut these men (and yourself) off at the knees, and ultimately fall back on your old 'flight'-oriented habits (though they're manifesting in a new configuration, they're still there). Get to know the men you date think of them as new friends. Spend time, talk to them about their/ your interests, feel them out, and get a sense of their attitude. Learn about them on their own terms. don't try to define them based on airy nothings. And avoid discussing term goals, past relationships/ residual fears in the early mtgs. (It could be that the once-married/ men who have sniff you out as a desperate ring-seeker.) Keep interactions in the present. college student seeks business man
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