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but to those that judged me: i do admit that i am a spoiled girl. but i never take advantage of my dates. in fact, i am the opposite of a demanding girl. i have a nice life of my own and i've always been able to spoil myself with or without men. if there was one thing i wanted a guy to provide for me that i can't on my own, it's just companionship and commitment. that being said, i do enjoy when my dates go out of his way to treat me like a while i am too, a generous girl. it's not about the gifts,money or 's about the effort a guy puts in for me. and i know and am able to reciprocate with thoughtful gifts and doing nice things for him too. he has also showed no signs of being a player. always supporting me in everything i do, and telling me he'd be a great father someday, how he thinks my parents are so lucky to have a daughter like me..and how he admires his dad blablabla.. it became very hard for me to believe a guy like him could be an asshole :( when he broke up with me,i continued to care for him hoping it change his mind. i wanted to prove that i am a good gf and that i can make his life better. if i acted desperate, it was because i truly wanted something more meaningful with him. i cut him off when i didn't want to be hurt everyday anymore:( but he refused and told me he always be my friend. i disagreed, but he never stopped inviting me out for innocent activities. and i slowly started talking to him like b4. when i agreed to out more often again, it was partly out of curiosity, because it has been a year and i wanted to know if i have really moved on. or even just to prove to myself whether he really cares for me as a friend, or he's an asshole and i should hate him. yet i realized i still have so much feelings for him. I started being nice to him again, even agreeing to design his place free(i'm an interior designer) a part of me just want him to remember me as a girl that did her best, if we were to never talk to each other again after this. as i force myself to move on. i do admit that i am selfish for doing this to my current date. but we are all selfish when it comes to. my can't decide what my heart chooses. my current date doesn't make my heart beat the same way..although his and kindness is slowly healing me. it still doesn't feel the same way :( i don't get any "butterflies". cool girls that like carsand just do it. Hell you're 'doing it' now, just whining about it. So have your pity party but don't overstay your welcome. You're not alone lots of people have had to go through the shit. They know the drill food tastes like cardboard, you're wired all the fucking time and can't sleep but feel so tired you wish you could sleep for a week. You're stomach's acid, your head is fuzzy and you've got this pain in your chest that wants to crush you. How the fuck are you supposed to make it through this? By getting up every day, by doing what needs to be done. By getting the divorce OVER as as possible. You make yourself focus on the business of divorce and not the emotions of it..you take care in doing so because the decision you make in this fucked up condition impact your life for years to come. You find a way to be fair, nonemotional and firm as fuck. You find that last little bit of testicle left and you use it to out the details. YOU do the work. You figure out how to take care of yourself physiy because you're fucking basket case mentally and that is going to last a little while it's going to suck but you can play a role in how it sucks. You can make it shorter by 'powering through it' so to speak. Look, I'm sorry you're getting a divorce wouldn't wish it on a single person well maybe the Boise State kickers who missed those damn field goals the last two years but that's my fucking immature spite speaking where was I? Oh yeah powering through it. Dude, there are books, pills, exercise, therapists, friends..this hell hole all there so you can handle it. USE 'EM. But take care of the business at hand and end this fucking thing. Take control of it, manage it. Kind of kick in the balls ain't it? Know those other peeps who said divorce was really painful well now you know. The loser club isn't all pain and suffering life can be good but you're gonna have to get through this shit first so get to it. Or get shitfaced and a rebound just as well married dating sites
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