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I don't remember what I was reading, but they were trying to take a stab at why so marriages that live together first don't work out. The conclusion that was reached was that marriage is a life time commitment and there is no such thing as a "test run" to something that lasts a life time. They concluded that the people who went into a living situation with the idea they were going to "test things out" did not enter the relationship, and further, the marriage % committed to the process and were therefore more likely to divorce. That, of course, can all be taken with a grain of salt. Trying to explain the actions of any large group of people with a broad brush is doomed to fail in individual situations. My husband and I did not live together because our parents would have murdered us. Instead we lived apart in two different cities on our own, independent for about 18 months before marriage. In our case, I think this was best for us. It really gave us an opportunity to learn about ourselves and what we wanted in life. Since we were high school sweethearts, there wasn't a whole lot we'd learn about each other that was a surprise at that point! fat local sluts NeiveYour spouse has to WANT to stop. The key is their inner motivation, their. An ultimatum imposes rules from the outside; it does nothing to address the lack of motivation on the inside. Bottom line: although giving an ultimatum feels good, it misses your target. Your target is your spouse's inner motivation. And how do you affect someone's inner motivation? The secret is to CONNECT with them. Let me explain. Life begins as a connected experience in the womb of our mother. When we're born and that physical connection is severed, we yearn to connect again. How we go about creating that connection and how well we succeed becomes the story of our life. People who make and meaningful connections with other people feel happy and fulfilled. (Research proves that the single most important factor that determines happiness in life is CONNECTEDNESS.) People who lack a real emotional connection with others grasp at anything in an attempt to fill that void in their life. That's what leads people to sex, alcohol, hours of mindless TV, falling in over and over again with new people, or an obsessive commitment to money, success, work, or a hobby. These trappings offer a MOMENTARY filling. But the cause of the emptiness your spouse seeks to fill is a lack of a meaningful CONNECTION in their life. When you create that connection with your spouse, you accomplish two profound things. First, you eliminate your spouse's for their destructive behavior. You take the wind right out of its sail. You cut it off at its source. They don't need it anymore. There's no more hole to fill. YOU filled it! Second, you offer your spouse a permanent filling for a hole that's been insatiable probably since their childhood. (Your spouse's destructive behaviors can probably be traced back to a disconnected relationship they had with their mother or father). And their for your connection, a REAL and LASTING filling of that hole, trump any momentary interest in seductive pleasures. So how do you get your spouse to stop their destructive behavior? You create a connection with them. Now here's the kicker. The chances are very good that YOU have no clue how to deeply CONNECT with your spouse. all granny sex
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