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It's that I've been spending so much less time w/*all* of my so-ed friends as well as my real friends, and *everything* is getting clearer. It has nothing to do with my financial status whatsoever. I have chosen to be a hermit now for about 6 mos. Turning my whole ship around for awhile. I simply can't tolerate any *bullshit* anymore. The only reason why I posted the money issue, is that the person I had the 'misunderstanding' with has always been thoroughly money-focused. We can be having tea, and she'll start in with her investments, her famous 'friend', etc. The other pair of 'friends' have their own schtick, but still, money-focused as well just Bohemian style, so it appears 'cool'. It STINKS OUT LOUD. And worst of all: it screwed their up seriously (both sets of friends' -). Hence: the money post. During my walk, I realized that it's really the same old story, but I just refuse to put up with it anymore at all. I'm growing up in the realest sense. It goes back to when I had my divorce years ago, and chose to be w/family folks only. The folks I befriended gave me the closest thing to the cozy feeling I craved but with a price: that I serve a purpose for them as well fill a hole a need play a role doing little favors like babysitting and trapseing around with them on *their terms*! I'm cutting all that out now, and facing facts. My values and principles are not the same and never were. Rather than suffer alone, I clung to them in large part, because it the hell out of me having single men interested in me. My 'friends' were a protection .At least I refrained from diving into a string of men-folk, marriages, etc. I'm proud of myself now. This all requires grieving, but hey, it feels good to cry and gain my freedom from their clutches .I played, 'In the early morning rain' (- -) several times on my guitar before,sobbed my guts out, and put a in for my brother. And this forum has been a great way to process stuff for me. To observe myself. Hell, everything goes out into oblivion, but it helps me. Other peoples posts help me also! And I'm undeterred by the morons, who unprovoked, post things that they think hurt others. free bbw sex in windsorThis hit you the hardest because you bought into the whirlwind romance idea. You might have vocalized a more pragmatic stance with him but your emotions were pouncing on the promise that it could be true. Understandable. This hit you hardest than the other relationships because you're in your 30's now. You're ready for serious. You WANT serious. Understandable. All your emotions are understandable but illogical. You have posted that you pointed out the logic of the situation to him times. However, your emotions REALLY wanted to believe and now it's over. You're lucky. REALLY lucky. Imagine being married when he pulled the rug out from under you like that. Imagine having with him when he decided he was "out of now". That would be a whole lot worse. It hurts and I'm sorry but only two months with a guy like that makes you lucky. There. I said it again. Now, you need to tell yourself how lucky you are. Over and over again until you start believing it. You mentioned anger. Sure, I'd be super pissed. However, again, looking at the bigger picture you got out cheap. Vent, journal, cry, eat ice cream, some air guitar, etc. When you're ready make the decision to move on. It won't help to know why he did it. It's his nature and now he's gone. If he comes back? You don't deserve that and after healing you wouldn't WANT that. Let that idea go too. I'm sorry. I you heal from this. free chat
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