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come fuck me before noon yes i suppose im just comingout of the in shock phase and am trying to what others have done in this situation and how they have fared etc. i took my wows very seriously "to have and to.. till etc.. "and i shouldnt have. I grew up more conservative i guess and she was a bit more liberal i dont know. i keep trying to rationalize my actions and her actions and i keep coming back to the same odd point. they should have a wedding wow disclaimer sentnce (i have an affair.. blah blah). like i said i grew upwith the standard model of a family "as seen on tv" loving wife, working husband, etc etc. and thats how i was raised. Thats what i expected. Her family was even more conservative then mine. Im glad for this forum and id like to thank everyone who made comments. I appreciate the advice. It has helped me in my resolve on what i should do and maybe a few approaches. I know some have lived through this in one way or another. I dont wish it for anyone its not cool. youre also right "whatsname" about the "ball-less wimp" that thought did come to mind but, im ok with my masculinity. i am strong. I it as more a breakdown of of the trust that i perceived existed, or was led to exist. getting on-the-side is not me, i know some folks could do that easily and maybe itll help them. but then what. i it as becoming an "i did this" and "you did this" argument, would that work, would it level the field of resentment? maybe. i think its going to depend on whether she wants an open marriage or repair of our existing. i think its going to be along road regardless. i was hoping for an emotional train ride with wonderful stops, instead i got the roller coaster ride. One sad tidbit in all of this is that i found out about this in the middle of a family medical emergency. So it was a double emotianal roller coaster in one day. oh well i think just writing here and reading some comments has givenme some strength. take care everyone. heading to Pequannock Township looking for some fun
First off, I really appreciate the responses. Up until this morning, I was really hopeful, willing to do whatever it took. Then I looked in the trashcan outside. don't ask me why, I just did (when throwing away some recyclables). There was a strange shopping bag in there, and I opened it. All of her notes mostly rantings about me were in there. I read them. I took them. Not like reading her diary they were abandoned property and quite likely she meant for me to find them. She's not the retiring sort (neither am I we have always prided ourselves on our communication), so what I read wasn't a shock. She feels controlled. She needs her alone time. She needs to be appreciated. She values spontaneity. She wants me to be more of a hands-on dad (tough when I'm busting my ass in an office M-F), but most of all, she needs alone time. Which I was (reluctantly, though I get your point, FamAtty) fine giving her. Until I came across other things. Notes to a guy. A guy she used to sleep with before we were married. Notes that clearly tell me she carried a torch for him, and he her, and they have been communicating regularly. And have possibly/likely slept together. And he has been telling her all the things she wants to hear. And that she has been lying to me. I am so fucking confused and despondent, I can't believe it. This is how she spent her "alone-time" this weekend. Am I being naive to want to hold my marriage together, even after this? Am I crazy for still loving her and wanting to work things out, both for me and our beautiful? They are so innocent and wonderful. This is me. I can't believe she is the one who has turned out to be unfaithful. I am absolutely stunned. I have not told her I know, but at some point, if I don't, and she knows I know, there are ramifications for that (every time she wants "alone time," I'll know she's doing that guy and it eat at me). Regardless, it -/should come out in therapy, if not before and then what? Oh, one of her complaints about me is that I care what other people think about me. And I have always considered divorce a failure. And I don't fail at much. Oh boy do I need therapy. And a good lawyer. looking 4 good Ringgold
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