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I have issues. Lot’s of ‘em. First and foremost in my mind today is my ongoing crush on one of my friends. I’m a middle-aged woman, and I met my friend and crush around 8 years ago. When I first met her, I noticed her every time I saw her. I never imagined anything other than “wow, there’s that woman I want to spend time with her”. She’s lesbian and proud. Several years ago, that feeling developed into a full-fledged massive crush for me. I have no idea if she ever noticed or felt the same. Despite my relationship and her relationship, the crush has not gone away. I’m not a relationship-breaker, at least for the other person. Since then, I notice women and look at them “in that way”, but beyond women who strongly resemble my friend, I am not attracted to them. I’ve been in a relationship with a great guy for nearly 15 years. For the past 5 years; the relationship has been intimacy-free. The intimacy was never “hot and heavy”, and I’ve never really been in any term relationships that were. All of my prior relationships have been with men. I had one affair that lasted 3 days with a 6 years ago. I regret it and would never do it again. I have never previously fantasized, kissed, crushed on, or “messed around” with women. In my youth, I had schoolgirl crushes on men only. Most of my crushing and dreams involve only kisses and hugs and a feeling of safety. I come from a screwed up family and have lots of issues about sex, sexuality and self-image. I am not attracted to my partner sexually. He stopped intimacy with me completely around years ago, and prior to that the intimacy was sparse (once or twice a year). I was content with feeling loved for years, although the sex when we had it was not earthshaking. I think I have a lot of anger and pain around the rejection. I’ve had earthshaking sexual encounters in my youth (or at least I remember them that way) with partners that I saw briefly, mostly for just a few months. Those partners with whom the “ground rules” were clearly laid out that we were a “fun” couple who were enjoying each other for a limited time. indian fuck Scarsdale women onlineIt takes a really strong person to work through a relationship where one person has experienced such trauma. In my experience, I had to learn the hard way that not everyone is understanding or even wants to know that rape exists. For example, after I was raped my grandmother disowned me. I was 17. To this day, we never ever talk about it. She personally could not cope with being around me, knowing what was done to me. Couldn't do it. I had one conversation with my ex about it, explaining that I was still dealing with it, and any time I would feel the need to talk, he would say that he would rather not talk about it. I struggled early on in that relationship with body memories, depression, and PTSD. Once I stopped pretending like everything was fine and that it didn't matter, I began to heal. I sought help and really worked on myself. My husband had what is probably the best response I've ever had in my life "I'm so sorry that happened to you, I can't imagine what that was like. Just tell me what I can do to help." Something so simple made the weight of it all just slide away. So, I now know that I can only that people are understanding, I simply can't expect it. It takes an incredibly strong person to heal from the trauma, and strong people to provide support for that person as well. It can take years for a person to recover, sometimes a lifetime. That's a hard path to ask anyone to travel with you, and it's important to recognize that not everyone can come back from the pain. I think that you were a really good person for wanting to understand and try to work things out with your ex. That's speaks a great deal about your character. The OP has very skewed perceptions and needs to seriously consider getting professional help. female seeking man
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