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Your BF sounds very conflicted about his own sexuality. I would be feeling a little fragile about this relationship, now, too, if I were you. While a certain amount of curiosity is understandable and even expected, the fact that he's using the phone to satisfy himself on the sly is taking it to an extreme. First of all, stop using words like 'confront'. They are very which is how you might be feeling right about now, but you need to tone it down. His sexual inclinations aren't of his own choosing. How old are you guys? You sound a little, and I'm wondering if perhaps this pregnancy was an accident that have trapped him before he had a to really establish his sexual inclinations. (In other words, he have been exploring with YOU to what "straight" sex was like, but is a decent guy and wanted to do "the right thing" when you go pregnant.) The fact that he gets angry defending himself indicate that he is defensive so the natural question is "what is he defending?" I think the answer to that is becoming clear, don't you? Not engaging in oral sex isn't really a big deal in my book people have different preferences, and if he was present at the birth, then it might be a connection in his mind that he can't shake. The fact that he's told you that he fantasizes about a guy going down on him while you are giving him oral sex is forthcoming, in my book. You can't control someone -'s fantasies. And here's the hard part, hon: It doesn't matter what his inclinations are. The question is: Are YOU happy with someone who is at least bi-curious? Taking into account a can have a temporary adverse impact on a couple's sex life, how is your sex life, overall? Good, bad, indifferent? You aren't going to change him, so "confronting" him over his choice of porn is a waste of time. But at this point, you don't trust him, or you wouldn't be stooping to spying on him, his phone, his computer, etc. Stop. You know the answer, stop looking for more "evidence". The porn, the ads, the fantasies, etc. put together, it's a clear picture. You aren't a judge or jury on his sexual inclinations, but you can made decisions on the kind of relationship YOU want out of life. This probably isn't it. looking for Missoula pleasure tonightThey're a community org local to you providing services and support for queer women in abusive relationships: The Network/La Red: -*** I don't think it's at all extreme to request a transfer from your manager. In fact, if your workplace has more than one location, transferring to an entirely new job site would be even better. It would probably be inconvenient, but it sounds like you're having a lot of trouble with keeping her away from you, which between that and being closeted makes me think going the human resources route wouldn't work for you. That said, if you can't transfer or find another job, the place above could also help you with locale-specific advice as far as what you could do to stay safe in your workplace. I'd especially ask about how to talk to management/HR, and look into support and counseling for learning to stand up for yourself while respecting your need for self-protection. Sometimes those two needs seem opposed to each other, but it's definitely possible to have both. It take awhile to learn how, and you'll likely stumble a lot to get there, but peace and sanctuary within and out lie at the end. As for how to do all that, at heart I think it starts with you deciding you're worth it, and certainly worth living this one life with. Then you'll have a place to start when it comes time to tell your abuser to go away and stay away for good, while taking whatever action you need to completely disengage yourself from them. If studs are your core attraction, there are plenty around who would treat you with and respect. Lying, cheating, and bullying for sex aren't acceptable no matter how anyone identifies. I you'll be able to find what you need to get out of this relationship. Partner in butch/femme relationships does exist, just as it does in any other kind of relationship; just with b/f, some of it tracks along fairly traditional gender lines. Your local support should be of help without trying to pathologize who you are and what you like, and the same should go for the important people in your life. lonely girl
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