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I dated someone awhile back who was incredibly turned on by being choked and slapped in the face, and having her hair pulled. I later learned that she was previously beaten by a boyfriend when she tried to leave him he slapped her, dragged her around the room by the hair and, she said, strangled her with the intent to kill her. (Sorry if this is unpleasant, but there a point coming ) (And obviously, she escaped with her life, and fled that f*cker in San, making it up here to SF.) So I wondered why in the world she would want to incorporate those things into sex play? Well, pardon the amateur psycholoanlysis ('I'm not a shrink, but I play one on TV '), but my theory is that she took something terrifying, life-threatening, and processed it by sublimating it into an arousing sexual experience with someone she trusted, in a safe consensual setting. So in fact, this is a broader question about corporal punishment in general for instance, the way it was posed below by whoever said it's more exciting to have spanking (or whatever) administered as 'correction' for specific 'infractions' (with which I whole-heartedly agreee, btw :-). I wonder whether the masochists and subs among us (and I've been on that side in the past) crave punishment and other forms of correction becuase in essence we are seeking either to expiaste some real, deeply-seated guilt, or to process with sexual release some specific frightening or unpleasant event to whatever degree we are or aren't consciously aware of it. So I guess, put another way, if you were hurt or embarassed in the past and it was NOT YOUR FAULT you can 'own' it and take back control over it by processing iit with a lover under negotiated conditions. Get it? So in that light, maybe the question is, does the sub's for punishment, correction, etc., stem from something bad done to her/him, which was out of her/his control, and and a need to possess it take it back, in a sense by reprocessing it in a setting in which she/he is surrendering control? And if so, isn't that a fascinating paradox? :-) ~Z. girl blonde a Burnley nelsonWhen we started our relationship we both had problems. I have trust issues, big ones. I think that is where my control issues stem from. He needed a shoulder and I needed him as well. We met each other at a very similar time in our lives. We were together 2 years before getting married because I wanted to make sure it's what we both wanted ( I was 4 months pregnant then). I didn't want us to just because I was pregnant. It didn't work for my parents and sure wasn't going to work for me. I know me being pregnant sped up the process, I'd be stupid to think it didn't. He assured me that us getting married is what he wanted. So we did. At about 7 months, I started having issues (had to spend most of my time in the hospital or on bed rest). He cheated, felt guilty and stopped contact with the girl that he cheated on me with. I found out by looking at pictures on his phone. I didn't go looking for it ( he had taken pictures of pack and plays and a few strollers). It blindsided me, but I felt stuck. All the while he was drinking and hanging out with our slutty neighbor. So what was I to think? How was I supposed to stay out of that? That's about the time we decided to move on post. 5 days after, due to stress and complications, I had our, 3 weeks early. He brought this slutty neighbor into my delivery room and left with her during. The day we were to come home, he went to a peewee football game. Told me my mother could take me home. My brother stood up for me. He stormed into my room and yelled at me in front of my mother and staff at the hospital (my doctor still to this day asks me 6 times during one appt if he's abusive). My mom and him fought for 30 minutes. I was delayed another 4 hours and put on blood pressure meds because I kept all the hurt in (I was admitted for pre- eclampsia). After I was released from the hospital, 4 days later, he brought her to our home. after we started counseling. I'm fairly certain he didn't do anything with her, but I can't be sure. I was a doormat. I have a hard time forgetting things like this. I am trying daily to forgive him. Some days are worse than others. So you guys are right, I have issues. Some control, mostly trust. I have a hard time fully trusting a who has caused so much pain. I'm trying though. free single parent dating
exy single women 73446 I come from a situation where boys and girls as always out together like family. We were raised together, then when I went to a college that was exactly the same way as I grew up so the people in that college grew up like me.. CLose friends with the opposite sex. So it could stem from that.. In college, everyone was friends with everyone and had best friends of the opposite sex.. Though my closest male friend didn't grow up like me. But he did admit that I was the first real female friend he's ever had. So it's possible. Minco people meet on webcam
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