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clearly because this is so hurtful and so personal to you? I am not saying you need to stay with this guy. For people, this would be a deal-breaker and they would leave. Maybe you should too. However, the way you are behaving right now solve nothing and in the event that you do stay together, it be yet another hardship to overcome. In addition to the weaknesses in HIM that led him to take, he now has to deal with the fact that you are wholly rejecting him because that is how it feels to men when a partner withholds sex. Really, what do you expect to happen here? Do you expect him to nod sagely, fall at your feet and beg for forgiveness, tell you, "don't you worry, icantfindone, I give up sex FOREVER if it means being with you, getting your scraps, living in your house. I deserve it because I was such an awful person. I'll be your whipping boy and do anything you say, for as as you want. I spend all day planning romantic dates to woo you again, in the hopes that I can hold your hand. No sex for me at the end, because I am such an awful, undeserving husband." ? (That's unlikely to happen outside of a cheesy teen romance novel.) Here's the more likely scenario. He's never going to start feeling like romancing you while you are being frigid and withholding the one thing he wants. He's not going to have much motivation for those get-to-know-each-other-again dates while you're holding all the power in the relationship. You two grow further and further apart until he's finally had enough. He's already shamed by having become an addict in the first place, so he'll want to get away from you and all of your additional shame. He'll leave you and start fresh with someone new who won't have all this built up anger against him. Maybe he makes the same mistakes with her, or maybe he learned from this experience. It's hard to say. But the point is, if you really mean what you say that you aren't ready to give up on the marriage yet, then you need to change what you're doing. What you're doing spells the end. latina looking for that good guyI've read the stream here and she has a history w/ depression and meds. In addition to having the actual clinical condition, I suspect she also has some of the acquired behaviour habits of people who suffer from depression, meaning that she can be passive, sit back and let others take charge and get things done. Totally understand you feeling resentment. I think its impt that you let her know not only are there terrible inequities, but you've really begun to resent her for not generating. For two weeks, keep a list of all the activities you do in the home. don't list her activities, list yours. Then take some time to reflect on this list yourself before talking with her about it. If you aren't getting enough time to take care of yourself, YOU need to put that in. Resentment is when we give more than we have to give. YOU need to make adjustments in what you give. And you need to have honest, authentic dialogue with her about what you want and need from her. Give her a list of items that you want her to manage on-goingly. Not like a demand, but a request for partnership. Also, schedule time for you and her to do things together. Even if it's a walk in the park. You gotta reinvent your roles otherwise they become to restrictive. Lastly, you haven't said it, but it's in the space with her history of depression. If she is depressed, empower her to get a good therapist and a good psychiatrist and get on meds. Make diet, nutrition, exercise adjustments, etc. The problem isn't lack of info it's using the info we already have. I'm betting she knows exactly what to do to manage her depression. About you being passive, I invite you to take on new ways of being like being bold and self expressed inside your relationship. Take on being her partner and you'll likely find a good partner. You'll find the partner you married and had a with. All the best, mature woman
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