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The narcissist lacks empathy. Consequently, he is not really interested in the lives, emotions, needs, preferences, and hopes of people around him. Even his nearest and dearest are, to him, mere instruments of gratification. They require his undivided attention only when they "malfunction" when they become disobedient, independent, or critical. He loses all interest in them if they cannot be "fixed" (for instance, when they are terminally ill). People find the narcissist "cold", "inhuman", "heartless", "clueless", "robotic or machine-like". Early on in life, the narcissist learns to disguise his socially-unacceptable indifference as benevolence, equanimity, cool-headedness, composure, or superiority. "It is not that I don't care about others" he shrugs off his critics "I am simply more level-headed, more resilient, more composed under pressure They mistake my equanimity for apathy." The narcissist tries to convince people that he is compassionate. His profound lack of interest in his spouse's life, vocation, interests, hobbies, and whereabouts he cloaks as benevolent altruism. "I give her all the freedom she can wish for!" he protests "I don't spy on her, follow her, or nag her with endless questions. I don't bother her. I let her lead her life the way she sees fit and don't interfere in her affairs!". He makes a virtue out of his emotional truancy. All very commendable but when taken to extremes such benign neglect turns malignant and signifies the voidance of true and attachment. The narcissist's emotional (and, often, physical) absence from all his relationships is a form of aggression and a defense against his own thoroughly repressed feelings. In rare moments of self-awareness, the narcissist realizes that without his input even in the form of feigned emotions people abandon him. He then swings from cruel aloofness to maudlin and grandiose gestures intended to demonstrate the "larger than life" nature of his sentiments. This bizarre pendulum only proves the narcissist's inadequacy at maintaining adult relationships. It convinces no one and repels. the very important parts about loveon your end until it comes up naturally. I can't imagine that a girl would presume that they are going to have a kid with every guy they date unless he says specifiy otherwise. That's what dating is about, getting to know someone and trying them out on a fairly casual level. Then as the relationship naturally builds with each other, feelings come up and you realize more and more what type of connection you have, and want to encourage with this person. For me, thinking about marriage or or a career before they happen is a backwards way to go about it. I was not into marriage at all, but then I met a woman that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, and so I married her. If you had asked me at 22 if I planned on having or getting married by the time i was your age, I would have said no way. Some people, I would say more often women in my experience, spend time planning out their weddings, or their, before they have a spouse. So when they find someone and them and then realize that that person doesn't fit into this picture they painted, and wonder why both are unhappy, I think it leads to a lot of the negative stereotypes about divorce. But that might just be my perspective too. Also, while I would not get a vasectomy, I would not discourage any adult from making that very personal decision. I would only encourage them to really think about it, weigh the pros and cons, perhaps ask themselves if it is really the best option, but other wise, go for it. If you do plan on going through with it, I would highly recommend having some on your juice frozen, in the off you meet someone so special that you want her to on your progeny. cybersex chat
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