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I tend to think of conversation the way I look at photography. The composition of a photograph needs to be interesting to draw a viewer in. If the field were all white it wouldn't be interesting at all. I try to use the same principle here. Conversations with a cornerstone of "I'm just like you" typiy don't go anywhere. What is there to talk about if you actively agree and have much the same experience and views? So I normally don't comment much when I am the same it serves no purpose. What I have to say has already been said. Unless I find the similarity to be a thing of interest. I also notice that I am misunderstood often Ive tried to develop a manner of "speaking" with other posters that highlight my thoughts and their spirit. If I think something is different, I point it out because that is of interest to me "this is what I think is different, please respond with your thoughts and lets discuss" If I were to remove the bits of revealing my thought to be different in some way I often then I would just be making sweeping statements that would be viewed as an attempt to define others by conveying my belief I try to display this is my definition of me, and what I perceive to be our contrasts. lonely house wives Fairview Heights
The abusive behavior during your marriage is still going on even though you're divorced., as I'm sure you know, is all about control. By ing you all the time he's trying desperately to on to some of that and you're letting him. don't!!!! You took a step in reclaiming your life by divorcing him, and that took guts, so don't stop now. Him driving by your house to "check" when you didn't answer is a HUGE tell! Putting on a show for your friends is fairly typical as well. It's purpose is to isolate you so you feel more dependant on him. And it's working. Tell him to stop ing you. Do you have? If so get them a cell phone that he can them on so he doesn't have to you. If he s your phone, don't answer. It's time for YOU to take control of the situation. It's your life, make it yours. If you do talk to him, don't cry. Chew on a towel if you have to but don't cry! If you do he knows he can still get to you. Would it be possible to change your phone number? I know that can be difficult but worth thinking about. Take the advice of some of the others and try to find new friends, ones that are all yours and support you (and not worry about his side of it). That all by itself can be very therputic. Just know that the more you pull away the more desperate he's going to become. It's the whole "it's gonna get worse before it gets better" thing. When he sees he can't control you anymore he'll most likely get more. Be prepared for that. We at the forum are here for ya, though. If you need to vent, build up some courage, or even confess something really embarassing, MOST of us are here to help and not judge. Good luck to you. Keep us posted! married but lonely Lafayette Louisiana freeI cant myself "clinging" to anyone. If anything my insecurities push people away! I'm too independent. I agree I need to get a stronger sense of self, but I don't think therapy is an option right now. old ladies
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