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it hurts. like, its actually a physical pain. ive never understood how something that has no scar can hurt. but it does. so much. plus there's this constant throbbing. i cant make i stop, its always there. i cant figure that out either. there's also the vaccuum. im standing in a crowd but im the only one there. like there's a shield. or a wall, only a clear one. because i can through it. i can everyone. i them, wait, no, i scream their names. they should hear me right? i mean, they really should. or wait. maybe im not shouting loud enough? ok, i shout louder, but still. nothing. and the weight. that i around. this unseen burden that seems to grow with every breath i take. sometimes i try not to breathe. maybe if i dont breathe, then it wont get any heavier than it is now. but i cant stop breathing. my body is my enemy in this game. i say stop breathing, but it continues. and now i dont know. i want to have it ripped out, please, even if it hurts, i want it to be done. then the shine, right? and the birds sing for me. because right now they are only singing for everyone. chat lines PosadnitsaKeep me company tomorrow night. slow dating
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