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You are WAY over simplifying the other side of being dumped. You think that a who's wife is lying to him and taking walks away he's just throwing his vows in a toilet. Now I don't think that you really believe that but you're pushing that line. Knock it off, I know you think that's what's wrong with most people but you're way off. It's not the reason divorce happens. It's not because of no fault, it's not because people have forgotten what marriage is supposed to be about and there are VERY few people who 'just walk away'. You still are stuck in a world where you think your pain is more intense than others, I mean it must be for everyone to find happiness. They just don't feel as deeply as you do. That's not the truth and it's selfdestructive. You have to learn that the pain of divorce can be overcome and that it takes all the effort and then some that you say should be put into the marriage. The hard part is that the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow isn't some grand story, it's just a life that you can look back upon with a sense of pride. No one suggests that just walking away is something anyone should do, the reason you need to detach from the situation is so you can make smart choices. There is a time to think about the big picture and the guy has a. He needs to look at the truth. His wife already broke her vows, sneaking around so she can take is not honoring her marriage. He needs to make a smart decision. We don't know, he does. If he detaches he can make a decision to stay or go if he stays he can set boundaries, make lines in the sand and have an exit plan that protects his daughter. He can insist upon rehab (which has a shitty track record unfortunately), he can insist upon counseling and he can have friends on standby to help out with the kid. He needs to have a plan in place and he needs to stick with it. OR he can realize that maybe this is just a done deal, there is too much damage. He now has to take care of himself and the, he has to file for divorce, protect himself from the attacks that often come with divorce and start his own recovery. OK you bang your drum and I'll bang mine. naked Yakima girlsI'm glad I started this thread.. it has been helpful and comforting. Everyone, even the one's that seem a little abrupt, have given me alot to consider. Thank you all. A part of me understands that this relationship is ending, and right now I'm in an anxious state, grieving, having moodswings because I'm hurt and angry. I know that he's not "doing" anything to me, but it feels like he is, because I feel betrayed. More so because of the lying than the cheating. I feel devalued, used and rejected simultaneously, humored, disrespected, not trusted, humiliated, talked at. I feel like a fool. A part of me is torn because one minute I'm grieving the loss of the person then the next minute I'm grieving the loss of the last 10 years of my life. And I'm terrified to boot. And you're right, he doesn't want to look at his behavior or improve himself at all. It really is torture for him to talk about anything. He wants a one sided conversation that he doesn't have to feel a response to, as in.. "You're hurting me by your actions. Your actions cause me to feel fear. Fear of not knowing if my life is safe or that it's going to change. Fear that when I'm not around you're not considering me in the equation. Fear that I can no longer undress with the lights on because I feel so bad and know that you no longer want me or that you never really did, that this was all just a really sick agonizing joke." I try to think in terms of "I deserve better," but I feel so low right now it's hard to stick my out and claim that line. And you're right again about "no matter who he's cheating with." I must admit tho, I felt a little relieved that he might be bi, but it's based on nothing and doesn't change any of the facts of the effects his behavior has had on me. Thank you for taking the time to comment, I think you just explained the writing on the wall clearly. woman wants friend xxx
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