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I'm trying not to repeat myself over and over, trying to hide how shitty I feel, because I know it just push him away, or throw dirt in the face of what he's currently expressing to me. I really wish I weren't like this. :/ All I can do is "fake it til you make it," it seems like. All I can do is just act like everything's as it ought to be until it is. I'm just afraid I'll never let go, never be able to believe him for an extended period of time. And that it come up someday in an argument, try as I might to avoid that type of thing. It's a flaw of mine, dredging. :( Last night when we had sex, he wanted me to mount him and I couldn't bear the idea of doing so. I couldn't bear looking at him while crushing him with my weight and being "in control." I just don't know what the hell is wrong with me. I know all the right ways to tell OTHER people to confront and overcome these feelings, but when I tell myself these things, it all rings so hollow. I guess I just can't get away from myself, and I am my own merciless enemy. lahinch horny womenwhat does this dream mean? i've been wondering about it a lot today: i am walking with two co-workers, and we are not in the office, but rather outside, about to cross a road. the co-workers are exclusionary, and walk away from me. there's a woman who is walking beside me; she's someone i met as a teen girl, and she is saying to me, "Who cares what they think?" then, once we cross the road, where there is rare traffic, i tell my friend, "Let's go walking down that path," motioning across the street to the green field that is in front of us. there is a small dirt path that can be seen winding through the field. "Okay!" she agrees, and we start off. but now it is no longer light outside, it's completely pitch dark, and my friend is gone. i am walking down the path through the green field, and turn on my flashlight. the flashlight is on, and i shine it in front of me, afraid and walking. but as i'm walking, i am fearful and sense that a bull appear in front of me and charge me, and enough, a big brown bull is right in front of me, and angered by the flashlight in its eyes. even though i try to keep walking on the path, and even though i cannot if i do not shine the flashlight in front of me, the bull keeps charging me. i am flung off the path several times. i don't remember much about the dream. has anyone ever dreamt of bulls in their dreams? what does this mean to you? i i have better dreams tonight! seeking men
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