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I where you are coming from. I don't want him to feel like it is his fault and I would own up to my mistakes without, making him feel like it was his fault. I would straight be like, I shouldn't of talked about marriage with you so early, because I'm really not ready for it right now. What I said in the paragraph was to explain to you, why it is I did that. I honestly didn't know until fairly recently how relationships were supposed to be. Before I thought they were just friendships where you make out in, and didn't move past that till marriage. When I say my ex really brought it up out of no where, he truly did. We went to the mall one day, I went off to do my girly shopping with his mom and sisters, next thing I know he had ran off to a jewelry stand, found me, and dropped down on one knee in the Redskins store. It had been talked about one time when we were doing homework together. My assignment asked where I saw myself in 5 years, 10 years, and 20 years. At that time I mentioned my goal to not get married till I was 30 and never brought it up again. His Mom got married to his Dad when she was 14 (his Dad was 18), she didn't plan on marriage till later in life as well, but his Dad asked and she said yes, because she loved him. So he figured and I AS WELL, if I loved him I would compromise. We split after we spoke with my pastor and he said he honestly didn't think it was a good idea for us to be together, because his goals was for us to live with his parents while he worked construction and didn't want me to work, just take care of his parents. I was set on going to school to become a teacher, and opening a low-cost (that would move to non-profit once I was able to acquire sponsors) day care center that fostered advance education, for lower income families. He knew I always wanted to do that, and pretended he wanted to go to school as well, it wasn't till after we were engaged he told me his true plans. I was expected to do as he wanted, bc I was goin to be his wife. I lost my virginity to the guy I'm with now, before I thought you weren't supposed to have sex till after you were married. This is only my second relationship ever. I'm allowed to be. I know I was wrong though. I do accept and validate that. I guess I feel like I need to explain myself, so I don't feel as bad about the decisions and mistakes I made. wanted Savannah female for mistresshave any roots in my childhood experiences, but the mental definitly does. My parents were very heavy on praising us but also ruled us with guilt for failing or disappointing them mostly mind gimes. i have an older brother who would emoitionally and psychologiy us (i have 2 sisters)..he was horrible and everyone feared him-even my parents so i've always had this thing about intimidation and for years i intimidated others, but now discovering my submissive side, i'm letting go allowing myself to feel that vulnerability again..that control, and it is helping me grow, as a person. and i think it is helping me deal with all of those issues from my past because i know i can stop it i know it's not done to hurt me flirting women
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